I Don't Want To View My Children As Burdens

Do you ever just want to run away from life?

Lately I have been feeling a little crazy...like I'm going to lose it. I know I'm still super hormonal from the recent birth of my daughter, but I don't like who I am some days. My sister-in-law tells me she prays for a new heart. I need a new heart, and a new perspective.

What I want to feel like:

"Don't you see that children are God's best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?" Psalm 127:3 (The Message)

What I'm struggling with feeling:

"Having children is like being pecked to death by ducks." Harley Davidson sticker

8 Ways To Share Your Opinion Effectively

I have an article over at Blogging Basics 101 today all about traffic, subscribers, and guest posting! Come weigh in!

Anyone can share an opinion, but if you want your opinion to be effective (perhaps in persuading someone of something), there are some guidelines it would be prudent to follow.

8 Ways To Share Your Opinion Effectively

1. Share Your Opinion With Pure Motives

Why do you want to share your opinion? Think it about this for a moment - take some time to evaluate your motives. I personally have realized as of late that I tend to share my opinion in the hopes that people will agree with me. In and of itself, there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is if they don't end up agreeing with me or what I think is right, I feel an intense need to make them agree with me. I'm learning to let this go. If someone disagrees with me or my convictions, it's okay! My identity doesn't need to be wrapped up in other people's decisions.

"All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD. Proverbs 16:2

2. Share Your Opinion With Wisdom & Care

If you truly care about someone and believe that what you have to say is important enough for them to hear it, be wise in how you approach them. Listen to them and draw them out. Let them see that you are genuinely interested in who they are and why they believe what they do.

"The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out." Proverbs 20:5

3. Share Your Opinion With Caution

Be very careful how you spout your opinions. Take the time to evaluate what you have to say before you say it. Pray. Perhaps it would be better to say little, or even nothing at all. Choose your words wisely.

"A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a citadel." Proverbs 18:19

"Rash language cuts and maims." Proverbs 12:18

4. Share Your Opinion With Humility

Sometimes it can be best to hold your tongue unless someone asks for your opinion. When you do decide to share your opinion unsolicited, remember that only God has cornered the market on truth. You may think you have the answer/s, but you are but a person who battles with a sin nature along with everybody else. Remember how sure you were about things when you were younger? I bet you've changed many strong opinions since then! Leave room for growth.

"Humility is to make a right estimate of oneself." Charles H. Spurgeon

"Do not be wise in your own eyes..." Proverbs 3:7

"...with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11:2

5. Share Your Opinion With A Soft Tongue

Always try and speak your opinions with kindness. Kindness beckons the ear to listen.

"...a gentle tongue can break a bone." Proverbs 25:15

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

6. Share Your Opinion In The Right Circumstances

Doing this often requires patience. If you want to convince someone of something, you might not want to start sharing your opinion while that person has a crying baby, getting ready to go somewhere, just lost a job, etc. Pay attention to the circumstances.

"Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken in right circumstances." Proverbs 25:11

7. Share Your Opinion With Discernment

Use discernment with whom you share your opinion.

Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you, Reprove a wise man and he will love you. Proverbs 9:8

8. Share Your Opinion With Confidence

If you have prayed about it, or sense the Holy Spirit nudging you to speak truth to someone about something, then speak with confidence. We have confidence in the word of God and we can speak the truth boldly, in love and kindness, with caution, discernment, pure motives, and humility. How can we be humble and confident? We remain humble by keeping in mind that we are not the Holy Spirit; we trust God for the outcome.

In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, And his children will have refuge. Proverbs 14:26

In this technological age of email, chatting, and blogging, it can be tempting to forget that real people in real life with real issues/troubles/hurts are sitting behind the computer screen. We have the opportunity to shut down others with our words or enlighten them and bring good. As we journey together, let's continue to persevere in truth, authenticity, and kindness. (Effective opinions work for me!)

Don't forget to stop by Blogging Basics 101 and visit me!

Journey everyday with me here.

My Opinion Is Better Than Yours!

Just kidding.

Not a very effective way to start an opinionated conversation, eh? At least if you want anyone to listen!

After my post on opinions the other day (and your awesome comments) I've decided to work on an article that outlines ways to share your opinions effectively. I'll post it tomorrow - can't wait for you all to read it and leave your thoughts!

In the meantime, I'm enjoying my new Patriot Coffee while reading Coffee Revolution: One small roaster's war with the world's largest coffee brands. (Love Newhall Coffee! Every time you buy their Patriot Blend coffee they send free coffee to an active military man or woman as a "thank you." LOVE it!)

Motivate Me Monday! A Miracle - My Mom Is Here (In More Ways Than One!)

I posted an article about giving at Keeping The Kingdom first today! Come visit!

For those of you who have been around awhile, you may remember when I found out my mom was ill with terminal cirrhosis of the liver. I hopped on a plane right away and went to visit her because the doctors said they thought, while they couldn't predict these things, that she had around two months to live.

That was seven months ago.

She is still here...and doing very well. So well in fact, that she is literally HERE with me this week! This truly is a miracle...and an answered prayer.

Amazing miracle & answered prayer #1: I have prayed for years that my mom would stop drinking (she's been an alcoholic for 20 + years). Seven and half months ago she quit drinking cold turkey because she said, "Jesus told me to stop." That was it. Hasn't touched a drink since.

Amazing miracle & answered prayer #2: Two weeks after my mom quit drinking, she found out she had terminal cirrhosis of the liver. Her liver was destroyed and she was only predicted to live a couple months, if that. If she did live longer, she wouldn't be "aware." Friends, my mom is not only alive, but she is doing great! Hospice is even going to release her if she continues on the track she's on.

Amazing miracle & answered prayer #3: My mom has only ever met my daughter once, when my daughter was seven months old. She hasn't see her since, and she's never met my son (who is two now) or my new baby. Once she found out that death was staring her in the face, she wanted desperately to meet them...she wanted them to know her. We didn't have the money to all go visit, and her health wouldn't allow her to come here. I prayed that God would somehow make a way for her to meet her grandchildren. He did. The doctors gave her the go ahead to fly because she is doing so well. We found a round trip ticket from Florida to here for only $180! We will be spending the next five days together.

God has heard my cry, yet again, and answered my prayers.

I am motivated to keep praying. He is faithful.

Your Turn!

Share some advice, wisdom, practical applications, tips you've learned, etc. that you think would benefit and motivate others.

*Make sure to link directly to your MMM post and then link back here (you know, for the link love and all)!

Join me every MMM for coffee by subscribing here!

It's Hot Outside - Ya'll Need Some Sweet Tea! BEST Southern Sweet Iced Tea Recipe!

I love sweet tea. I lived in the South for awhile and ADORE southern food (shout out to fried okra!) and the sweet tea they are known for.

Are you ready for some real southern sweet tea?! Oh yea, it's sweet alright...this recipe is straight from a southern granny's recipe!

Here is what you'll need:

6 regular tea bags
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
2 cups boiling water
1 1/2 cups sugar (or 2 cups if you're really southern)
6 cups cold water

Notice the Luzianne tea - it MUST be Luzianne people!

Here's what to do:

1. In a large glass measuring cup, place the tea bags and add the baking soda.

2. Pour the boiling water...

...over the tea bags

3. cover and steep for 15 minutes (okay, I didn't cover it, still works)

4. Take out the tea bags and do not squeeze them. (sort of forgot that part, but eh, no biggie, I just took them out after I poured them in the pitcher)

5. Pour the tea mixture into a 2 quart pitcher; add the sugar and stir.

Oh sweet sugar, how I love thee!

6. Add in the cold water and serve over ice.

Sooooooooooooooo........... refreshing!

Brings out the southern gal in me everytime!

Do You Have A Hard Time Sharing Your Opinions With Conviction?

I have some strong opinions/convictions, but I get squeamish about sharing them with others...if I think they will think I'm judging them (which perhaps I am).

Yes, I just admitted that I struggle with being judgemental.

At least I think I do.

I find myself giving my opinion, but then back stepping on it...trying to find a middle ground. Then I feel crummy later because I feel like I copped out.

Maybe I wrestle with not sharing my opinions with certain conviction because I want to please others. I want to be liked...listened to. I also want to be humble. I know that only God has cornered the market on truth and I am but a sinner (actually a saint, but you know what I'm sayin'!).

Let me give you an example: I truly believe with all my being that moms should stay home and raise their children (if they are able) - I believe this is a biblical mandate (I don't expect this of non-Christians...maybe my first problem is that I'm expecting anything). However, I have Christian friends that choose to work and it really upsets me. I want to convince them that they need to stay home and fulfill their God-given calling...but I don't want to be judgemental. I am not the Holy Spirit and I cannot and should not convict anyone of anything (right?)! It's not my job. But how do I balance that with another biblical mandate that says we should "speak the truth in love" and "admonition one another." Hmmmm...

What is your opinion on sharing opinions?

"An opinionated, people-pleaser is a difficult thing to be." Well said Kimba!

"Everything we say has to be said in love or it's just a painful noise. Sometimes that may mean not saying anything at all, especially if you can't think of how to do it." Anne Basso

"I guess the thing is that my readers want to know what I think about things." SquiggleMum

"I think we need to pray and ask for the Lord's guidance before we speak..." Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates

Calling All Navigators! The Bridge For A New Generation

LOL! Hey fellow Nav alums, you will appreciate this!

Don't know what the bridge illustration is? Click here to find out!

Part 2 - My Abortion Story - Darkness Into The Light

Read part 1 of my story here

It was my senior year of college. Tears were pouring down my face as I fell to my knees sobbing, crying out to the Lord, "what is wrong with me?! I am at the bottom and can't go any lower. Please help me." Darkness crept all over my spirit and I was worn down. My eyes were going dim and my bones could barely hold up my flesh. I was in a pit of despair.

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry..."

I wanted to be a counselor and I needed some experience for my resume. I knew of a little place about two blocks from my apartment that might give me an internship. As I read over their application, one of the questions struck me, "What do you know about abortion?" I thought to myself, "nothing...hmmm...I better get a book on it." Yes, I was that detached. I found a book called Forbidden Grief, The Unspoken Pain Of Abortion and set out to read it so I would be able to write an answer to the application question. I went to a little coffee shop, sat in a cushy chair with my notebook and pen all ready to take notes. That day, however, ink didn't fill the paper, tears did. I came face to face with my hidden pain.

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire..."

I went back to the little place two blocks from my apartment. It just so happened to be a crisis pregnancy clinic. It also just so happened to be a place that had a wonderful, kind, gentle and loving woman who counseled post-abortive women. I told her, "I think the Lord wants me to deal with my abortion." She took me under her wing as we went through the bible study, Forgiven and Set Free. She gave me a safe place to unabashedly experience all of my emotions - denial, anger, depression...(yes, I was a perfect example of the stages of grief). I was able to admit my sin, mourn my loss, and accept forgiveness and grace. I finally felt like my feet were beginning to be planted on something...someone real.

"He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand..."

I can hug women. Ha! I know that sounds funny, but that is one of the ways I was healed. Part of my pain included a mistrust of women and if one tried to hug me, even a friend, I got stiff. I was so walled up. Now, if you ever meet me, please give me a great big hug and I will melt. I am also able to watch pro-life commercials and not leave the room. I can smile when I see little children instead of tear up. I can fully embrace my own children, knowing that it's okay to enjoy them, God isn't going to punish me for my sin of abortion - Jesus Christ already took that punishment for me on the cross. I am free. You know what else? I can tell my story. I am covered in grace and protection...I am loved and forgiven. The shame I once carried lies at the foot of the cross; Satan has no power over me. God is the only one who has the authority to tell me who I am...and I am His.

"He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD." Psalm 40: 1-3

As a sort of addendum, I want to share a cool thing that God did for me. One of the things I really wanted to know was the sex of my baby so I could name them. The Lord gave me a dream. In my dream a blond haired, bright blue eyed boy about seven or eight years old was hugging me and telling me it was okay. I kept telling him I was sorry, but he just kept saying it was okay and he'd see me again one day. His name was David.

Why I Worship

I worship God because He has freed me from the tight, painful, scarring bounds of sin.
Oh how wicked is my heart!
It sends sin cursing through my veins and finally pouring out of my flesh;
The intent of the thoughts of my heart are evil continually.
Yet, God lifted me out of the pit, out of the mud and mire, fulfilling His desire
to set me free
Free
I should be crushed, but instead, He was.
He got my sin and I got eternal life.
Everyday I battle with sin, the war within;
yet everyday His mercies are new and I can approach the throne of grace
without disgrace
but with confidence...how can it be?
Oh but for the grace of God!
In my failures, my legalism, my complacency,
my weakness, my pride, my foolishness and my fears;
I am an open book before the Lord that’s pages are covered in blood
covering the words and images of my old self.
The paint brush of my soul now dips its bristles in the blood and a new book is written,
one that He breathes life into,
guides through,
and speaks true.
My soul overflows with gratefulness, humility and joy.
I am awed at His love for me.
What can I offer? Nothing of myself is worthy, so I offer my open hands, my open heart,
and my open mouth that must speak of His glory, that must tell of His story!
My soul bows in worship,
true, unrestrained, vulnerable adoration for my King.
I cannot contain my soul,
for it,
is
glad.

If you are in bondage because of a past abortion, you don't have to be. You don't have to live with the shame. You are not alone friend, and you don't have to walk in fear. If you need a safe place to begin, I'm here. But I can only offer so much. There is only one who can offer what your soul needs. Run to Him.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

My Abortion Story

In the news today: U.S. recession linked to more abortions,...

I was 16 years old. I was given a new name and then was drugged...I didn't like the IV. My dad held my hand but I started to get really fidgety. They upped my drug dosage. I was wheeled away. I was so cold, but they gave me a blanket. I counted backwards from 100...99...98...

The end.

The end of my first baby's life.

It was always weird for me when I was pregnant with my first born, because people would always ask, "is this your first?" I hated that question. I didn't know how to answer.

"Um, no, I killed my first baby, this will be my second." That wouldn't work. "My first is in heaven." That won't work either, people will think I miscarried. I landed on, "This is my husband and I's first."

Its been 13 years since I had my abortion. Even though I have been forgiven and set free from the bondage I was once in, the memories of that time in my life and my fateful decision still hurt so deeply upon remembrance.

I'll never forget when I called to tell my dad I was pregnant. He was so kind and loving towards me. I'll also never forget the words out of my grandmother's mouth when I told her the same thing, "I'll take care of it." What? "No, I'm keeping the baby."

Three months later she had "it" taken care of.

The three months I was pregnant when I was 16 were probably the three hardest months of my life. I was very sick, I felt very alone, and I was being torn in directions I wasn't prepared for. Everyone had a solution to my "problem," but no one wanted to hear mine. I wanted to keep the baby...at first. I figured I could get married and start a family. After talking with others and them telling me how I would miss such important things if I had a baby, like prom, I thought it would be better if I gave the baby to someone who couldn't have children. Nope, people didn't like that idea either. During this time, my mom totally checked out of the situation. She almost became numb to the whole thing. She had her own demons to deal with and couldn't handle mine. My dad, a wonderful father, had decided that abortion probably was the better choice. I don't think he really believed that, but he had pressures of his own. One person in my life even wanted the baby for themselves, but I couldn't bear that person raising my child. Did I mention that my grandmother, who I thought was my "best friend," stopped talking to me during this time? She wouldn't even look at me. The final straw was when my other grandmother came to visit me. She convinced me that having an abortion really would be the best decision. She spoke to me so kindly and she showed me love. I was desperate for any signs that I was lovable at that point, so I agreed right then and there to have an abortion.

I went to see the doctor who would perform the abortion. He had the nerve to tell me,"only a fool makes the same mistake twice." He seemed so wise...I wonder how many mistakes he's performed over his lifetime.

The night before the "procedure" I asked the baby to forgive me. I held my tummy and cried.

The day arrived and my dad accompanied me to the hospital. Yes, the hospital, not the local abortion clinic. The doctor thought I would do better being at a hospital where I could be totally put out...drugged to unawareness. He even had my name changed so there would be no record that I had an abortion...I did have a fairly prominent family. That afternoon I didn't have an abortion, Sandy Charles did. Sandy Charles gave up hope that day...Sandy Charles let them stick a needle in her arm, drugs in her veins, and a murderer into her private domain. Sandy Charles offered her baby up for slaughter.

I slept for two days. When I woke up I was at my grandmothers, the one who wouldn't speak to me before but was now serving me toast with a smile. I had moved in with her because my step mom didn't want me anywhere near her...I was bad. I ate the toast. Nothing was ever spoken about my abortion. It was a new day. It was like it never happened.

To be continued... (read part 2 of my story here)

Under the fierce fluorescent

she offered her hand for me to hold

she offered stability and calm

and i was crushing her palm

through the pinch-pull wincing

my smile unconvincing

on that sterile battlefield that sees

only casualties

never heroes

my heart hit absolute zero

-Ani Defranco

Sharing my story works for me...I hope it impacts someone somewhere who needs to hear it.

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 4 - Stepping Out In Faith (In This Day and Age, Eight May Not Be Too Young)

When we talk to our kids about sex, we are really stepping out in faith.

We don't always know what to say or the best way of saying it, but we do it anyway. We put our own fears and failures aside because we know that there is something valuable and eternal to be gained. We do it because we love our children.

Many of you out there may think that eight or nine years old is too young you to be talking to about sex, but sadly, in this day and age, younger and younger children are throwing themselves into a dark world of seduction and sexual behaviors...and they don't even realize what they are doing. We (our culture) didn't protect them, love them, nurture them, teach them, role-model for them. Our culture has thrown them to the wolves. Don't believe me?

Fifth Graders Charged With Having Sex In Classroom

Middle School Children As Young As 12 Engaging In Risky Sexual Behaviors

Mommy, What's A Rainbow Party?

Teen Wire (Planned Parenthood's Website For Teens) (Prepare to be appalled)

Just Google "Teacher's Having Sex With Their Students" and you will have an endless supply of articles.

Whether you homeschool or send your children to a public or private school, they are or will be hearing about sex, even at sweet innocent ages. Now you have to decide whether or not you will step out of your comfort zone for the sake of your children. What will you do?

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 1 - Fear

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 Continued (How)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 3 - Firm Foundation (Plus Questions & Comments)

Tomorrow I want to share with you my story.

You can subscribe here to stay updated with Like A Warm Cup Of Coffee

Motivate Me Monday! It's Hard To Be A Stay-At-Home Mommy, Wife, & Homemaker

I wouldn't change being a stay-at-home mommy, wife, or homemaker for anything in the world.

But it sure is hard sometimes.

You know, trying to be good at it all. I find myself pulled in so many directions, giving emotionally until I am drained...or just a zombie.


I have to consistently fight off the beast of self-entitlement. The monster of self dominates my heart so many times..."I want," "I deserve," "I need..."

What I need is the strength of Jesus to die to myself and give...be a servant...fully. Oh, and do these things authentically.

I can be a good wife (the wife mask) and a good mom (the mom mask), and even a good homemaker sometimes (homemaking mask), but I don't always do them with an authentic heart that truly is.

Do you know what I mean? Can you relate?

I can fake it, sort of. I can make my husband breakfast, or give him the attention he longs for, but my heart isn't in it. I do it to be good, not because I have the honor and joy of fulfilling a beautiful God-given role.

Don't get me wrong, I do desire to have a cheerful heart and positive attitude in all of the domains the Lord has blessed me with, I just find myself more often then not "checking out" and just checking off a list. Sometimes it's easier to pretend then to be.

In our culture, we don't want to do "hard things." The thing is, it's those "hard things" that grow our character and bring us into a deeper and more fulfilling intimacy with the Lord. It's those "hard things" that will have us looking back with gratefulness rather than regret. And it's those "hard things" that will bring eternal value to our lives and the lives of others.

My motivation for the day? Keep persevering. Never stop. Trust the promises of God.

He made me a woman, a mommy, a wife, and a keeper of my home. He will honor my obedience, and when I disobey or "check out" He will guide me back. He begins softly nudging my heart, knowing and understanding my struggles. If I choose to only wear the mask and neglect my heart attitude, He will pursue me with more might. I am His. I may fail Him, but He will never fail me.

Your Turn!

• Share some advice, wisdom, practical applications, tips you've learned, etc. that you think would benefit and motivate others.

*Make sure to link directly to your MMM post and then link back here!

By the way, I didn't forget about the contest, I'm just still mulling it all over...

Join me every MMM for coffee by subscribing here!

Pink Sneakers!

I could just eat her up!

Take My Life

"Please take from me my life when I don't have the strength to give it away to you Jesus."

Third Day, Take My Life

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 3 - Firm Foundation (Plus Questions & Comments From YOU)

My gift, by bpitzer20

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 1 - Fear
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 Continuted (How)

Six Biblical Reasons Why God Gave The Gift Of Sex

Life

"And Adam knew Eve as his wife, and she became pregnant and bore Cain; and she said, I have gotten and gained a man with the help of the Lord." Genesis 4:1

Pleasure

Just read Song of Solomon...that pretty much says it all! Here's another verse for you though:

"Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant doe [tender, gentle, attractive]--let her bosom satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love." Proverbs 5:19

Intimate Oneness

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church." Ephesians 5:31-32

"On your wedding night when you and your bridegroom become one sexually, you will experience the most intimate physical act on this earth. When you taste of the kit-together closeness and experience the melting together of your bodies, you will then have a visual picture of the spiritual closeness that the Lord Jesus wants with you." Paraphrase, Gift-Wrapped By God by Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus

Deterrent To Temptation

"Let your way in life be far from her, and come not near the door of her house [avoid the very scenes of temptation]...Drink waters out of your own cistern [of a pure marriage relationship], and fresh running waters out of your own well...Let your fountain [of human life] be blessed [with the rewards of fidelity], and rejoice in the wife of your youth." Proverbs 5

Comfort

After David and Bathsheba's first son died:

"David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went to her and lay with her..." 2 Samuel 12:24

Unique Knowledge

"And Adam knew (had sexual intercourse) Eve as his wife..." Genesis 4:1

"The Hebrew word for sexual intercourse is "to know." Through God's gift of sex, you and your husband will receive an intimate knowing of one another that you have with no one else. This special secret between just the two of you will bring an incredible depth to your relationship." Gift-Wrapped By God by Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus

Comments & Questions From YOU

"I do want to encourage Moms to take the plunge and have this most important talk!! My oldest is 9 and I waited too long-she heard a GRAPHIC description (not Godly in any way) from a classmate."

"My daughter (not yet 7) has made it very clear that she is having some sort of "romantic" feelings. It wasn't by word of her mouth, but actions I observed...Parents, I'm telling you, I don't know where this is coming from. My daughter is homeschooled and all movies are monitored. There is no tv viewing of any kind (other than parent chosen dvds)."

"I would highly advise Passport to Purity - it not only covers sex, but living in every area of life to honor the Lord."

"What am I most afraid of? The information being used against me! Meaning, I fear that if I give too much insight, curiosity will take over."

"My mom JUST gave me the book "Sex Education is For the Family" by Tim LaHaye. I read through most of the book last night, as it is tremendously helpful in instructing, scripting, explaining, and encouraging a godly "sex education" through life!"

"How do you react if your kids see two people (Sometimes even same-sex) behaving inappropriately in public?"

"...as the mom of an almost 9 year old, to say that they need a complete description of 'how-to' at 8 just REALLY bothers me, and your suggestion to build excitement and expectation of finding out this secret stuff pretty much horrifies me...I feel very strongly that my kids need to hear this from me and to hear it from a Godly, Christian perspective, but they need to know and hear it at a point where it is emotionally and physically appropriate. You need to be tuned in, not on a schedule."

When your three year old asks how people are made: How Questions :)

We're not done yet...come back Tuesday (and Monday, for Motivate Me Monday of course!)

Join me everyday for coffee while we tackle this subject, subscribe here!

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 Continued (The "How-To")

*Habakkuk discussion day at the forum! Join us!

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 1 - Fear

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)

How on earth do you start a conversation about sex with an eight year old?

I don't know, I've never done it, but thankfully many others have. Here are some tips I have gathered (remember, these are just suggestions):

Build Anticipation

Make the up-coming talk something to look forward to...a special secret that is about to be divulged. A month before your child's eighth birthday start building the anticipation by telling them you have a very special secret to share with them about one of the most amazing and awesome things in the world. They will beg you to give them a hint. Tell them how excited you are to tell them all about it, but they just have to wait a little longer. As the day nears, keep the anticipation alive.

Plan A Special Day

Perhaps their eighth birthday? If you are going to use the "building the anticipation" strategy, tell them they may pick out a special restaurant to eat at that night where they will get to learn about the secret. If you are uncomfortable about a public setting, just make sure you pick a place where other siblings won't be around, especially younger ones. Remember, this is a very special occasion...share with one child at a time.

Mom and Dad Please

Both parents should sit down with their child to talk about sex, at least for the "mechanics" talk. You and your husband are a team and you both should be present to explain things. As the child begins puberty, on-going talks should be done mother to daughter, father to son.

Yes, The Whole Shebang

It may be helpful to use a book while explaining sex to your child (or at least having read one yourself to give you some confidence). One that I have been referred to is "Where Did I Come From." Apparently it's somewhat of a classic. Personally, I'm all about the God's Design For Sex Series (see bottom of post under resources).

"Emphasize that sex was God's idea, and that He created it to bring great joy to people who use the gift the way He intended - within marriage between a man and a woman. Understand that your children are sexual beings from the day they're born, and that the changes they go through during puberty as they mature are normal and positive changes. Help them accept and embrace the wonderful way God created them..." Whitney Hopler, How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex

There Will Be Questions

You may be at the restaurant all night! That's okay, plan on it. Answer your child's questions freely and honestly but keep in mind their innocence. Use discernment with your words. With this in mind, don't shy away from certain topics that deserve an answer. For example, if your child brings up something they've seen that's pornographic, discuss it with them lovingly, being careful not to divulge too much too soon, but letting them know that there is a good side and a bad side to sex. Pornography is showing sex in a light that isn't beautiful and awesome. I highly recommend the book Point Man for an excellent way to handle talking to your son about pornography.

Other Age Ranges For Discussions

Puberty: 8-13

Pornography: 11/12

Between the ages of 11 and 16 the facts have been put in place. It is now your job to help continue to encourage them in the truth and in pure behavior.

What If My Child Has Already Had Sex?

I really like the way the below author handles talking to a child who has already had sex:

(Parent talking to teen) "I've realized how much more I could have told you and discussed with you as you were growing up. If I'd done so, you wouldn't have had to learn as much as you have from friends or media or even from the sexual experience you've had. So first I'd like to apologize for not telling you more sooner. I love you, will you accept my apology?" How To Talk To Your Child About Sex

Ask then if you can take some time to go over the things you should have shared. This opens up a dialogue and the opportunity for you to bring it back to God. Love, grace, and forgiveness should be at the doorstep of your heart as you talk it through.

Sexual Abuse

Sadly (and sickeningly) there are many children out there who are being sexually abused. It is vital that we do our very best to protect our children from abuse, and one way is to talk about "good touching" and "bad touching." Make sure your child knows that no one is allowed to touch them in their private places or have them touch others private places. Make sure they know that even if someone makes them feel uncomfortable in any way that can say, "please stop touching me." Practice with them. Tell them they have full permission to scream at the top of their lungs if they are ever scared or being hurt. Practice screaming inside and outside the house so they feel comfortable enough to do it if they have to.

If you find out that your child has been abused, it is so important that you handle your child (or teen) with great care. Child psychiatrists say that the next worst thing to child abuse is parents who don't handle the news well. Do not make them feel guilty or ashamed. Many parents say, "why didn't you tell me?" and guilt comes into play.

HOW CAN YOU KNOW IF YOUR CHILD IS ABUSED?

By Dannah Gresh (printed with consent)

Approximately 15-25% of adult women and 5-15% of adult men were sexually abused as children. It's a frightening reality. How can you know if your child is a victim? Watch for these signs.

First, watch for a sudden and unusual interest in sex or sexual things.

Second, consider that sleeping problems or nightmares that seem to stem from nowhere could be a symptom.

Third, an unusual fear of going to a certain house, school or class is sometimes a sign that something bad has happened in that place.

Fourth, children of abuse often attempt expressions of sexual molestation in artwork or play-acting. These things can be evidence that it's time for you to dig a little deeper to see if there is something your child desperately wants to tell you, but doesn't know how.

If you do find that there is abuse present, act quickly to get your child into the care of a trained counselor who can help you and your family make good decisions about what is the best course of action. Each child and each case is different, but all of them are tender and need meticulous attention to specific needs.

Resources

How To Talk To Your child About Sex, by Linda and Richard Eyre (contains dialogues)

The Story Of Me, (God's Design For Sex Series) by Brenna Jones (ages 3-5)

Before I Was Born, (God's Design For Sex Series) by Carolyn Nystrom (ages 5-8)

Facing The Facts, (God's Design For Sex Series) by Brenna Jones (ages 11-14)

Point Man, by Steve Farrar

How To Talk With Your Children About Sex, by Whitney Hopler (article)

A Chicken's Guide To Talking Turkey With Your Kids About Sex, by Dr. Kevin Leman and Kathy Flores Bell

Tomorrow we will talk about why God created sex (did you know there are six biblical reasons God created sex?).

(All the tips I've mentioned are just suggestions. Modify how you like!)

*I'm also over At The Well today

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Talking To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 - Freedom (The Why And The When)

Eight years old. Time for the "big" talk. Maybe even seven.

Wait, before I get ahead of myself, there is so much more to talking about sex than the "big" talk...so much more.

We have to first determine why we want to talk to our kids about sex. Is it just to have them avoid STD's, pregnancy out of marriage, emotional hurts, etc.? Or is it about explaining to them about one of the greatest, most beautiful, joyous, amazing, gifts on this earth that God has bestowed to us?

How Do You View Sex?

This is a very important question because it can greatly affect how you approach the topic of sex. Do you see sex as good and joyous? Do you view it as a gift? Perhaps you think of sex as dirty or useless. If you think you may have some unhealed hurts or sexual sin in this area, please commit to facing them so that you can be released from shame. You don't want to end up putting your hurts or hang-ups on your children (see core lies series).

"Parents must make sure all their issues with God are settled. Many parents are too ashamed to talk about sex and don't. The shame may come from past sexual experiences, pornography, or other sexual sins." Dannah Gresh, Pure Freedom

Why Should I Talk To My Child About Sex?

If you don't, someone will. The information they receive may be completely contrary to your beliefs. The information may be inaccurate or twisted. It may be right on. The point is, you have the awesome task of sharing something beautiful with your children, and then guiding them in the good and right way so that the gift can be protected and cherished. You can add morality and integrity and beauty to sex, the way it was intended. You can walk beside your child on a continual journey of exploration into the curious and wonderful world of sex, lovingly guiding and teaching them toward truth. You can (and should) be their biggest influence.

When Should I Talk To My Child About Sex?

Continually, beginning as young as three.

"At ages 3-5, parents can show their child a flower and point out the different parts of it, explaining that it takes mommy parts and daddy parts to create life." Dannah Gresh

With my three year old little girl, I am always explaining to her that God made our bodies so amazing and special. We talk about the parts of her body (telling her the real names) and what parts are private that no one should touch or make her touch. We talk about how God made marriage for a man and woman and how one day God might bring her a husband. We talk about love - how mommy and daddy love each other so much and are thankful to God for bringing us together as a family. All of these things are introducing her to sex but in innocent and age-appropriate ways.

As far as an actual "sex talk" that describes the mechanics, eight years old is a good age (if you missed that age, remember, better late then never!).

"Age eight is a "window" between the disinterest of very young childhood and the moodiness and unpredictability of prepuberty...they are the most open, natural, curious, positive, impressionable, and appreciative-and the least cynical or embarrassed." Linda and Richard Eyre, How To Talk To Your Child About Sex

However, communicating about sex starts much earlier and lasts longer. How we talk about and act towards our bodies, marriage, love, family and commitment is all communicated through our daily interactions with each other and can all be linked to sex in age appropriate ways through the years. Remember, the goal is not a one-time talk, but rather on-going, honest, open dialogue that is exciting and positive.

Tomorrow I am going to dig into the "how-to's" of talking to your children about sex.

Talking To Children About Sex, Part 1 - Fear

Articles of Interest:

Little Girls by Laura B.

Honoring Marriage - Bible Bites (Love Week 2)

How To Raise Sexually Pure Kids by Dannah Gresh

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 1 - Fear
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)

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Talking To Your Children About Sex, Part 1 - Fear

Have you talked to your child/children about sex? If you have toddlers, have you thought about how and when you are going to talk about it?

Does the mere mention of talking about it scare the heck out of you? Make you feel embarrassed, unqualified, weird...etc.?

I think one word sums up why so many parents fail to talk to their kids about sex: fear.

Fear that you are a hypocrite if you try to teach your kids something about sex that perhaps you didn't do yourself.

Fear that you don't know what to say or how to say it.

Fear that you are unqualified to teach about sex.

Fear that it will be weird or awkward.

Fear that if you talk about it your kids will ask you questions you don't want to answer.

Fear that you may have to face your own "issues" with sex (possibly some core lies).

There are many reasons we don't talk with our children about sex, but it's time to put away our fears and do our job as parents. Our fears must be dealt with so that we can get on with the business of sharing with our children one of the most beautiful gifts that God gave us.

You, the parent, are the best person to talk with your kids about sex. You guide them, instill in them a moral code, and have the ability to give accurate information with integrity. You have the opportunity to turn the world's idea of misplaced sex into the joyful, positive, beautiful thing that it is. You are the one who will link sex to marriage, family, love and commitment. You are the one who can potentially protect your child from sexual abuse by giving them the tools and guidance they need regarding sex. You.

Over the next few days we are going to dig in on when and how to talk to your children about sex. Tomorrow we talk freely about the details...and the freedom in the details.

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How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 Continued (How)
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 3 - Firm Foundation (Plus Questions & Comments)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 4 - Stepping Out In Faith

What are you most afraid of when it comes to talking about sex with your kids?

Motivate Me Monday! "I Need A New Tag Line For My Blog" Contest!!!

Giveaways are fun and all, but they are all about luck. A contest, however, gives you a real shot at winning the prize.

Before I tell you what the contest is, take a look at what you can win:

Cute mug huh? It's from DaySpring and it (along with a bag of delicious gourmet coffee or tea) is all yours if you can come up with a fitting "tag" line for my blog.

Details:

Right now my tag line is, "a place to curl up and begin your day." While I really really like what it says now, it doesn't convey what my blog is all about. I need something, that in one sentence, can give people an idea of what they will find here at Like A Warm Cup Of Coffee. Peruse my blog, perhaps starting with the About page, and then hit me with your best tag lines by leaving a comment or writing them in a post on your blog and linking up! You can offer one or twenty-one! I am hoping the prize motivates you all to help me out creatively! Thank you!

Your Turn!

• Share some advice, wisdom, practical applications, tips, etc. that you think would benefit and motivate others.

*Make sure to link directly to your MMM post and then link back here!

Discussion questions for week two of Habakkuk are up in the forum.

Join me every MMM for coffee by subscribing here!

Okay Friends, I Need A New Tag Line For My Blog!

I need you to help me come up with a new tag line for my blog...in fact, I'm going to have a contest. Link up tomorrow for Motivate Me Monday with your best tag lines for my blog and if I pick yours, you will win the prize! (Oh, what is the prize you ask? Well, you'll just have to stop by tomorrow with your link up post and see!)

What is a tag line?

A tag line is a slogan, so to speak. Right now my tag line is "a place to curl up and begin your day." I need a new one, something that succinctly gives people an idea of what this blog is all about...in one sentence! Can you do it?

For God So Loved The World...

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Who's Sick?

I am.

Blech.....

While I'm out, here are some articles from the blogosphere that I've enjoyed this week:

Lisa's One Year Blogaversary Party - lot's of prizes

"It's finally officially my Blogaversary!!! Woo Hoo!!! Welcome! Let the party begin!"

Joyous Passover For Little Ones - Great ideas for celebrating passover with your family

"This week we celebrate how God has freed us from our slavery to sin.
We celebrate that He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
We celebrate the magnificent fact that because we are covered by Jesus’ blood, Death has passed over us and has no sting."

What A Waste

"A number of years ago someone asked me, I don't remember who it was exactly, "Why don't you have a job?"I replied without thinking, "Because I'm not stupid."...What if I were to be so drained from pouring my life out for someone else's dream that I had no more time and energy for such foolish, "meaningless" things?"

His rib

"As a wife and the closest person on earth to him, you decide what kind of existence he will have. If he will enjoy his life at home or will he avoid his home altogether."

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

Well, it seems it is that time again, time for a new series.

On sex.

That's right. Actually, on talking to your kids about it. It will go something like this:

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex:

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 1 - Fear
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 Continued (How)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 3 - Firm Foundation (Questions & Comments From You)

Part 4 - Faith

You are probably wondering how on earth I qualify to talk about such things as my oldest is only three years old. I can understand, but I just happen to be a bit passionate about the subject. I worked in a crisis pregnancy clinic counseling many young women who ended up pregnant, in part due to a lack of "sex education" at home. I also have a little personal experience with the topic.

I hope you join me...you know I'm gonna wanna hear all your insights!

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7 Pregnancy and Newborn Myths

Yesterday's post received a ton of responses. I think I will do a follow-up post with some additional comments/thoughts.

For today however, I'd like to lighten it up a bit with a fun post from my bloggy friend Isabel. Isabel is the wife to Kenneth and old full-time mum to 3 kids: Emma, soon to be 5, Daniel 3 and a half, and Julia 2 and a half. She started her humour-spiced blog, Thrills, Frills and Drills of Motherhood, less than a year ago, to write about her adventures in motherhood and wifehood! She likes to see the funnier side of parenting, which helps her not to lose her mind... not too often that is! Enjoy!

7 Pregnancy and Newborn Myths

Ah! Having a baby!! Isn’t this the best blessing of all? Definitely not an easy and straight forward situation to handle though. I learned that the hard way: three babies in two years five months! However this “full immersion course” in pregnancy and births has taught that many of the things said regarding pregnancy and newborns are pure myths. Here I share some of them with you. This is not an exhaustive list of course and it is based solely on my experience.

Myth 1: Birth preparation - Isn’t this a contradiction in terms? How can you ever be prepared for something like giving birth through a lecture or watching a birth video (with no sound, or with some background instrumental music)? I remember myself going in to give birth to my first baby, telling everyone how calm and unafraid I was. When I got to know that I was pregnant with my third, I couldn’t sleep for three whole nights because of the memory of my previous labour (a mere two and a half months prior) was too vivid in my mind! However I do believe that birth preparation classes have their utility. These classes should prepare the husbands for labour. They should focus on telling the husband not to insist too much on helping the wife to “breath correctly dear," or “you don’t need a painkiller honey." They should fortify the husband not to faint at the crowning part, and also prepare them for any unusual behaviour of the wife. I did hear of a couple of vicious attacks on husbands during labour…; o)

Myth 2: Maternal Instincts - I don’t know why, but everyone seems to believe that maternal instincts come, well instinctively. In my case they didn’t come, at all. I remember coming home with my 2.3 kg baby in my arms, totally and completely devoid of any idea of how this baby will sleep, feed and generally survive. Maybe it was the fact that this baby cried a lot, that I remember this overwhelming feeling of “What am I supposed to do?” I remember asking all my friends, and whoever happened to call about breastfeeding, sleep and why do they think my baby cries so much. I mean can you be more desperate than this? Asking people why they think my baby is crying?? To further illustrate my lack of instincts, (or shall I say common sense?), I used to cradle my baby for almost an hour to sleep. It happened often that half an hour later I used to wake her up for her bottle, because I was supposed to feed her every 4 hours… I could eat my hand remembering this!

Myth 3: Newborns all look alike - Other newborns may look alike but my babies were absolutely the most beautiful newborns ever! Of course when I look at the pictures now I ask myself “How could I say they were beautiful?” But now I surely understand the midwife’s look when I uttered “Oh how beautiful she is” when she first showed her to me.

Myth 4: Babies smell so sweet - Funny huh? Anyone who has ever had the opportunity of spending at least one hour in the proximity of a baby can say how untrue this statement is! Yes babies do smell sweet, up to, say 5 minutes after their bath. After that they either smell of sour milk, or… well you know. I mean how can such a tiny sweet body produce such foul smells?

Myth 5: It’s colic - I have already mentioned how much my first born cried. Well I have lost counts of the number of times I was told by people: “Oh it must be colic”and me, being such an unsure mum, bought into it! What is this thing with colic? Is it a buzz word in newborn jargon? No, it is NOT always colic. Sometimes it’s hunger, sometimes it is tiredness, many times I don’t know what it is but it surely is not colic.

Myth 6: Newborns sleep 18 hours a day - I still have to meet a real newborn who sleeps so much. I am scientifically certain that whoever came up with this statistic did not have any babies. Neither does that wise person who coined the phrase‘sleeping like a baby’. If you think you sleep like a baby you don’t have one because, 1. You don’t really know how babies sleep and 2. If you had a baby you wouldn’t sleep, at all! More advice that cracks me up is “Sleep while your baby sleeps”. Yeah this is great when you have just one baby, but what about when you have other toddlers/ children?

Myth 7: Back to normal soon after birth - Can you EVER get back to normal? I might get back to normal once my kids get married and are gone. Before that time, I don’t think I could ever be normal again! After all, giving birth is relatively easy compared to bringing them up!

Stop by Isabel's blog and give her some comment love!

How Do You Know When To Stop Having Children?

My husband and I think we are done having biological children...but we're just not 100% sure...

We are praying about what to do, but I can't seem to get all "the voices" out of my head. Are we being disobedient to God if we don't have more bio children? Is it a decision that God has given us the authority to make (I tend to lean toward this)? That darn quiver full movement won't leave my head! Grrrr...Voddie...

Don't get me wrong, I know I don't want 20 kids.

I think the hard part is just taking the leap to actually have surgery to pretty much guarantee no more little babes. What if we change our minds?

This decision is so much more difficult than I anticipated! I have always wanted a large family, but I want a large adopted family! Pregnancy is just too stinkin' hard for me, especially the sickness. I want to be intentional about raising my kiddos in the Lord, but barfing makes it really difficult to focus...especially when you want to homeschool!

Anyone else struggle with this decision?

(Don't Read If You Are Of The Male Persuasion - TMI) Good Thing God Gave Eve Some Fig Leaves...

because can you imagine her walking around without anything while nursing? She would be squirting people in the eye! I am so thankful to be living in this century with the, um, needed "technology" to curb the squirtation.

Motivate Me Monday! Top 10 Ways To Give Life To Our Home‏

Good morning! :) It is so nice to "do" Mondays with friends, soooo... happy MMM! As you may remember, last week was the last Songs for Saplings CD giveaway. It is my pleasure this week to announce the winner...

Congratulations Traci from The Garber Family! I am so happy for you - in more ways than one! ;) Head on over and congratulate her, would you? (If you didn't win, hop on over to Songs for Saplings and grab yourself some CD's - they are SO worth it!)

Now onto some motivation...

Today's motivating post comes from my dear sister-in-law Renee. She is the mommy of three absolutely adorable kiddos, and she also happens to be an inspiration to me in the wife department. I know you will blessed by her words!

Top 10 Ways To Give Life To Our Home

1.) Retrain our tongues to give words that encourage, comfort and edify others.

2) Offer life-giving and grace-filled words to husband and children.

3) Make our homes a place of grace where mistakes and sins are not met with anger but with love and hope.

4) Decorate our homes to make home a place of beauty. Beauty raises life above mere existence.

5) Develop necessary cleaning skills and habits; clutter causes stress.

6) Face our anger, anxiety, fear and depression. Our homes reflect our mental/spiritual/emotional health. Ask the Lord to replace these emotions with faith and hope. (Check out core lie series for more info.)

7) Plan regular times away from home to rejuvenate and gain perspective. (A quiet time at Starbucks or Wegmans for 1 1/2 hours has been my most recent favorite.)

8) Persevere in planning fun activities for family on weekends or ordinary weekdays.

9) Play praise or worship music in home to lift everyone's spirits. Our new family favorite is Michael W. Smith's "A New Hallelujah". (Even King Saul in the Bible, when the Holy Spirit had left him, was refreshed and calmed by David's worship.)

10) Ask the Lord: What areas of my home are causing stress or bringing spiritual/emotional/mental 'deadness'? What can I do to bring life to those places instead to make them a place of refuge?

I loved the opportunity to present these ideas to you; however, it was also a difficult assignment. All of these suggestions have risen out of a heart that longs to be this kind of woman, yet has consistently failed in all of these areas. Some suggestions are on my 'impossible prayer list' of what I'm asking God to do this year in my life! I have seen the ill effects of doing the opposite of what I've written. I know that I don't want to live that way anymore! Instead, I'm striving to develop diligence in these areas to bring life to my home flowing over from the One Who gives life freely to all who ask. May He encourage us in our life-giving.

Your Turn!

• Share some advice, wisdom, practical applications, tips you've learned, etc. that you think would benefit and motivate others.

*Make sure to link directly to your MMM post and then link back here!

Join me every MMM for coffee by subscribing here!