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Tuesday, February 3, 2009

"Ex Prep" Part 6 - It's Not A Mistake

I can't answer all the questions that come along with our spouses being the "right" spouse.

I can say that once we are married (and I'm even more confident if you are a child of God) that your spouse is the "right" one - it is not a mistake.

Do you know what happens when we start thinking in terms of "what if...?" If we start thinking that perhaps the one we are with is a mistake? Do you know what happens to our hearts? They become hard toward our spouse, sometimes slowly, eroding over time so that we don't even notice until our marriage becomes all but dead. We stop trying. We cling to our independence. We give up...even if know one else knows it.

Matthew 19:3-9

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,' and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

Some of you think you will never divorce your husband, so you're in the clear. I ask you, what about a divorce of the heart? None of us are immune to it because we are all in a spiritual battle with not only the enemy, but also with our sinful nature.

Ask yourself these questions:
  • Do I roll my eyes at my husband when we disagree?
  • Do I allow myself to have lingering thoughts about a past love?
  • Do I find myself gravitating toward the attention of other men?
  • Do I think negative thoughts about my husband and/or our marriage?
  • Do I respect my husband?
  • Do I trust that God knows what He's doing with my marriage, no matter how difficult it is?
  • Is divorce an option?

A hard heart will destroy a marriage from the inside out - whether you physically divorce or not. God wants us to have soft, hearts ready for molding. You and your spouse are one - God declared it so, and "what God has joined together, let no man separate."

My friends, it is not a mistake who your spouse is. God will use your marriage to refine both of you, and even more so He will use your marriage to do a good work...His purpose and plans cannot be thwarted. You know what else? He loves you with an everlasting love! He cares for you, and your marriage. He wants you to have a successful marriage!

A Challenge For You!

Go to your husband this very day and ask him if there are any areas in which he feels disrespected or unloved by you. Listen to him. Listen. Then say, "okay, I hear you." Drop your defenses...be soft. Pray. Do (or stop doing).

Today I am praying throughout the day for all of us to have softer hearts and more tender thoughts towards our husbands. Will you join me in this prayer today?

"Ex Prep"(intro), Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5


Conny said...

a group of my bloggy friends is linking up for 31 days of prayer for our husbands. If you want to join, check us out: starting w/ my blog: www.thehutchhaus.blogspot.com
and it will link you to the originator.
GOd bless, Conny

Isabel said...

Beautiful thoughts. And although we're not anywhere near divorce, I still find myself making some of the mistakes you listed, and others! Thanks.

Kristy K said...

Another great post!!! My husband and I use to throw around the word divorce every time we'd have a disagreement. About 4 years ago, we both decided to STOP using that word. Even that small decision made a world of difference. Once you get rid of the other option, you HAVE to work things out because it's the only choice.

I love reading your blog! I don't feel like I'm "wasting time" online when I'm ready something so Bible-based and thought-provoking!

Anonymous said...

Wonderful thoughts! Wonderful advice. Oh my word, so much meat to chew on, ladies! I think this is just one of very many reasons to read, memorize, and meditate on scripture. It can remind us to flee immorality and remind us to guard our hearts. We MUST guard our hearts! They are precious, not only to our husbands, but to our Father. There is so much out there after us and the road is narrow. We need to keep our eyes focused on HIM. ((hugs!))

Denise said...

Great post! Hubby and I are no where near divorce. We are in a good place....but I have to admit that I found myself admitting to a few things on your list of questions. I guess I need more work than I thought. Thanks for setting me straight.

southerninspiration said...

I think these questions are great for regular evaluation, even after having been married for nearly 30 years!!! Divorce is not an option for us, never has been. That in no way means that things have never been difficult! We must regularly ask God to deepen our love and our commitment to our husbands, and to help guard our hearts and keep us faithful!

Anonymous said...

What a great post. We have had our many problems and I have been at a point where I done all those things that you had in your list. I got a huge wake up call one day and I try so hard everyday to gaurd my heart/thoughts and to be respectful to my husband. I love him so much and I don't want him to just hear that daily I want to show it to him. Thanks for all your fabulous posts!

Nana 2 four said...

This is great. Even though I have been married for 24 years this speaks to me. In fact, maybe I should say, BECAUSE I have been married that long. We tend to take each other for granted after so long. I needed this reminder today.


Reborn said...

I'm printing out this post and putting it in my prayer journal!

Walking on Sunshine... said...

Excellent words! Thank you so much! I've been posting on this subject for a week now. . Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

MamaHenClucks said...

Another great post. It's easy to forget that things like rolling my eyes are not signs of a loving, Godly wife.

Morgan Coy said...

I've never had an Ex, and don't intend to...but I've always wondered what is the right way for people to handle it? What's Biblical? You've been answering it so well. I love your blog. It's my newfound treasure.

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates said...

Excellent words, Sarah Mae! I do need to ask my husband about this - I know I have some areas of improvement for sure! He knows that I love him with all my heart, but that doesn't mean that he feels honored and respected by me all the time.

Thank you my dear and have a lovely day!

Jenni said...

I to a moms' group every other week and two weeks ago the topic was Loving your husband more than your children. It was a fantastic talk. The speaker challenged us to (after talking to our spouse) to promise our children we would never divorce their dad. He said it was something he had heard Dr. Dobson challenge his listeners to many years ago in the beginning of his marriage. And it became for several days a huge stumbling block for him even though he didn't believe in divorce. He said it was an incredible exercise to do. And kids today need to hear it.

Blue Castle said...

Another excellent post.
I think that even if I married the most perfect man in the world, at some point I would wonder if he really was "the one". When I was first married, I let those thoughts creep in and spent a few months almost depressed. Being married was harder than I thought it would be. I started to think maybe I had made a mistake. But, God is bigger than all my fears and destructive thinking. I'm so glad that I know Him. I don't think my marriage would be half as good as it is without Jesus.

Alicia, The Snowflake said...

Great post! It is so easy to forget that our husband's need and deserve our utmost respect. Divorce has never been an option for us. And I am so thankful for that. I thank God everyday for this wonderful husband that He has given me. My only regret is that I don't show my husband often enough how thankful I am for him.

Debbie said...

These posts are so straightforward and thought-provoking. There are far too many points which prick my conscience, and I appreciate the reminders and the challenge. Thank you for these posts!

Traci said...

Uh, drop your defenses? That's a hard one, lol. Ask and listen ... I think we can do it!

becca said...

Thank you, thank you!