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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What Would You Do If An "Ex" Called?

Have you ever thought about how you would handle a phone call from an ex-boyfriend?

Have you ever thought about preparing for such a call? Or perhaps a run-in?

I had thought from time to time, "what if so and so called...," but I never thought about actually equipping myself for if it ever did happen.

And it did happen, an ex called.

I was caught completely off guard and ended up staying on the phone for ten minutes trying to be polite, but praying that the call would end. I personally have people-pleasing issues, so I'm not good at just cutting off conversation or hanging up. Long story short, I told my husband and it hurt him that I stayed on the phone so long. He knows my personality and understood the situation, but none-the-less, it wasn't okay.

After a very awkward ten minutes, and the conversation afterwards with my husband, I decided to come up with a game plan for if it ever happens again (hopefully it won't, especially with the guy who called. I did end up politely telling him that it wouldn't be a good idea to call again).

Tomorrow I'm going to offer some tips and questions to get you thinking about what I call, "Ex Prep." Hope you'll join me!

What would you do if an ex called out of the blue, or you ran into him somewhere?

"Ex Prep" Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7


becca said...

One of my good friends married my ex-boyfriend! Awkward, but over time it has become more comfortable and my husband thinks he's a funny guy and isn't bothered about it. I'm glad I don't need to deal with a phone call... that sounds tricky!

Dana said...

i only have one ex and if he called or i saw him, even online or from very far away, i would throw up right then and there. how's that for a plan? :)

Anonymous said...

I married my high school sweetheart, then one day he decided that was a mistake. If I heard from him now that I know the Lord, I would hope he was as happy as I am. No hard feelings at all, the Lord worked it all out the way it was supposed to be. I ended up marrying one of my first loves from nineth grade!

Homesteader in Training said...

I really only have one real "ex". We parted ways as friends and were friends before my husband and I met. My husband knows that and is fine. He knows that I love him most ardently and I can't imagine not being with him so he's not threatened in the least. Plus I only talk to this person once every couple of years to make sure he's still living lol. I hate awkward phone calls.

Kellye said...

I completely understand what you are saying about your husband being a little bothered at the fact that you stayed on the phone so long. I think that is exactly the reaction my husband would have. I am so glad that you are posting about this because I think that we all need a game plan just in case that would ever happen, just to make sure we aren't stumbling around, not knowing what to say and hurting our husbands, which is exactly what I would be doing, I know it! Thank you!!

Sarah said...

Oh, what an awkward moment! I truly don't know what I would do. I would hope that I would be polite and gracious and not tongue-tied.
It sounds like you handled the situation as best you could given the circumstance of being caught off guard.

Anonymous said...

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Ok, so I don't really have a t-shirt, but I have some seriously good advice based on my own experience. Are we going to do a link up for this? I'd be humbled (because it's seriously humiliating) to share my story. However, I think it important for women to know. :)

Anonymous said...

Been there, done that as well. Let's just say satan knows our vulnerable areas and his timing is always schematic.

My situation when something similar happened was when I was newly married and recently rededicated my life to Christ. Talk about convenient timing for a phone call from an ex who broke my heart to a zillion pieces and also is a Muslim. To boot, he informed me he lived about 5 miles from us, and we were living in a city of 2 million people at the time!

Former military sergeant husband took care of the situation real fast!

What's next said...

When I met my husband, we were engaged within a few months... so, the last old boy friend called one night while my then husband to be sat next to me on the couch... it was so very weird... after I told him I was getting married the call ended pretty quick but oh. my. goodness. was it a weird thing!

Anonymous said...

Very good question.......I have never really given it much thought. I would probably be like a deer caught in headlights. I wouldn't know what to do? Turn and run......talk.....guess I would need a plan!

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh yes, i have a people pleasing problem as well. Looking forward to your advice! :)

JMMEE said...

I count myself blessed - I have no Ex.
My husband was my first "boyfriend". We met in college at a Navigators meeting on campus, were engaged 4 months later, married one year later and will celebrate 21 years in March.
Your situation was most certainly awkward. PTL that you told your husband - even though he was hurt, you did not hide this from him. That would have hurt him even more and would have damaged his trust in you when he found out.

I am also a people-pleaser - to the nth degree - looking forward to what you'll be saying

Shilo said...

What an interesting topic! Look forward to hearing your thoughts.

MamaHenClucks said...

Being from a small town, I'm sure the day will come when I am back for a visit that I'll run into my ex. His mom works at the local bank. It would be a HUGE shocker if I heard from him, ever and although I used to be a people pleaser, I think I've worked through that, too. So if it came up on caller id, I wouldn't answer, then I'd talk to hubs and then possibly answer the next time. When this persons dad passed away, I did send a card and signed both hubs and I names.

Good that you made sure to tell your husband. Ex's can be so tricky and better to have everything out in the open.

Anonymous said...

Oh, have I got a story for this one!
I had TWO ex-boyfriends contact me with only days left until my wedding day. BOTH exes were contacting me to try to persuade me to leave my fiance (now my husband) and give them a second chance. One of them was crying and said that he still loved me and thought about me every day-- we had been broken up for 3 years!!! It was the strangest thing. I just couldn't understand it....he is a really good guy and I would never have expected him to be so disrespectful. The other one didn't surprise me at all, lol. I basically let them say their piece and then told them that I was disappointed in them for their disrespect and selfishness...then I asked them not to contact me in the future. I must admit, I was so flustered by it that I didn't handle it as nicely as I should have...frankly, I was mad. I was short with them and I'm sure a bit rude. One of them has not contacted me since and the other actually just contacted me recently by email wanting to "get together" despite the fact that he is married as well and that we haven't talked in years. Needless to say I will not be accepting his emails in the future.
To add even more awkwardness to the pile, one of my best friends has been dating another ex of mine for a couple of years now.
Thankfully I only have a few exes, so that covers just about all of them, haha. My hubby has been great about it. He knows that I can't control who contacts me, only the way that I handle the situation...so far I guess I haven't done too badly, because he approves.
I am eagerly anticipating your next post, since I can use a little help in this department myself!

Anonymous said...

I had thought about this a lot for the five years or so since I had last seen my ex (and it was an ugly scene), shortly before I met my husband. I had finally figured out what I needed to say to resolve any lingering resentment that had hung on from the breakup of our engagement. I was looking forward to my 10 year high school reunion, hoping to get it off my chest and walk out as friends with a person whom I adored as a person, he just wasn't the one God had intended for me. And then he was killed in a freak accident while assisting with the recovery effort following Hurricane Katrina. So my advice is yes, plan ahead, and then speak so that if this was truly the last thing you ever said to that person, you'd feel good about it.

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates said...

Hmmm...never thought about it - I would be totally caught off guard and would want to know how he got my phone number! I think it's been 20 years, so I really don't think that will happen.

I am a people-pleaser, but I also wouldn't see anything wrong with at least finding out the reason for the call (family member died, trying to find a mutual friend, or just to chat) and then using best judgment. Calls should not continue and the ex needs to know that! And being up front with hubby is most important - my hubby wouldn't be upset with me for talking, but he would be mad at the ex.

mom3crazygirls said...

I ran into mine at the airport in Miami - neither of us live there or in the same state even now so it was really random that we would bump into each other on a layover. Hubby saw him first and they were actually fraternity brothers, so they stopped and chatted and we walked back together to see his wife who was actually one of my sorority sisters! A little awkward, but since we all knew each other and were friends at one time, it wasn't that bad - of course I think my face was flushed the whole time, I was embarrassed to run into them looking less than my best after travel a good part of the day! I'm sure it would be much different to run into/receive a call from someone who was looking you up with thoughts of rekindling things, but that certainly wasn't the case for us!!

Anonymous said...

Which one? I'll get him for ya!

Katie @ 3 Blondes and a Redhead said...

This totally happened to me, too! I was 9 months pregnant with my first born, standing in Home Depot with my mother in law while my husband and his dad were at home putting the baby's room together. And he called.

Talk about caught off guard, I literally backed up into a bench and sat down. Nothing's a bigger turn off than, "I'm married and pregnant, due any day." Am I still sexy now, ex man?!?! :)

Heather said...

Well, it would depend on which "ex" it was definitely. Ex-boyfriends mostly would get a polite conversation because even though we "broke up" we both have grown up enough to be adult about telephone convos. Most of them anyway.

My ex-husbands are two totally different stories. My 1st one -- its usually him calling every 10 months or so to talk to his kids so its quick, to the point and he's off again.

My 2nd ex I would likely hang up on because he excels at "RUDE" as soon as I answer the phone. And if he called back to ask me if I hung up on him, I would say, "Did it sound like this?" - hang up- click! He has not called going on over 5 years so I don't think it will be an issue.