Home About 5:16 Club Forum Contact

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

"Ex Prep"


"The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her." Proverbs 31:11,12

Who does your heart belong too?

Let's be honest, it's easy to end a conversation (or plan to end one) when the person on the other end makes you want to "throw up then and there." (Thanks for that one Dana, I was LOL!). The conversation could go something like this:

"Hello?"

"It's Mr. Ex Man..."

"How can I help you?"

"Blah Blah Blah (nothing important)"

"I apologize if I seem rude, but this is inappropriate because I am married so I am going to have to hang up now."

Click.

What if, however, Mr. Ex man isn't so repulsive to you. What if you think about him from time to time. Perhaps you thought he was the one you were supposed to end up with. What if...

Now is the time where the rubber meets the road. Now is the time to ask yourself,

"Am I completely my husbands?"

During the modesty series we talked about the heart being the key issue, but we had a large focus on the outward - how we dress. I think it's time we look a little deeper into the heart...into the emotions, secret places, and areas that God wants to heal, change, or break so that we can give ourselves fully and completely to our husbands. No second thoughts, no what if's, no faltering.

Join me tomorrow for part 2 of "Ex Prep."

Book recommendation:

Preparing for an "ex" encounter works for me!
(Subscribe here to stay updated on all Like A Warm Cup Of Coffee posts.)

15 comments:

Trey Baird said...

I believe that if you have unresolved feelings with an ex, then you shouldn't get married.

If there's a chance that you may still have feelings for someone else, then don't get married.

It's unfair.

Homesteader in Training said...

One thing that I've learned is that "dating" sets you up to constantly keep one eye on the lookout for something better, then this spill over into your marriage a lot of times. You can't go into marriage with one eye looking for the what if's. With our daughter who is 15 we have explained that to her and she understands why we won't allow her to "date". We know that if she seeks the Lord, He will show her THE man she is to marry. No comparison, no ex's, no weird future phone calls. I dated before I married my husband and it takes a little while to get out of the "dating" mentality. The "Oh yeah, well let's break up!" mentality when things get hard. We are trying to raise our kids to learn from our mistakes and not have to go through the same hardships and struggles for they will have enough of their own.
Great post.
Hugs.
Kim

Sarah said...

Great post...looking forward to the next one!

christinnjon said...

Wow, what an excellent topic and one that is not spoken of often. I can fully relate, unfortunately. I know exactly what this is like...not fully giving my heart to my husband because of an ex. Oh my I have learned so much about this.
Constantly dating also lessens trust. Because you have "boyfriends" who will tell you all the mumbo jumbo about how wonderful you are, and that they'll never leave you, and before you know it, they're gone with all their excuses. Then when you get married to the one who truly believes these things about you, you have a hard time believing him. :( How horrible is that!? That's me. (((Sarah Mae))) Thank you for this.

christinnjon said...

P.S. Another good book to look into, which really helped open my eyes to more than one kind of affair is called "Every Woman's Battle". A must read.

christinnjon said...

P.P.S. I have shared my story on my blog if you are interested.
http://christinnjon.wordpress.com/2009/01/21/the-ex-effect/?preview=true&preview_id=931&preview_nonce=0935228538

I just couldn't pass up the opportunity, as hard as it is.

christinnjon said...

Ha ha! I JUST saw your comment on my blog right after I posted this! :)
It's up and ready...would you like me to hide it until midnight? Whatever works! :)

Anna Sophia said...

This is why Dating is something one should not do. It hinders your spirit and true love for your spouse. All of the silly things like, "what if", should never be a part of our mentality. That is not the way God created it to be. Seek Him first and he will show you the person he has intended for you. I come from a home that did not exercise their faith in Christ. I dated before I was married. (though I have been with my hubs since we were 15) :-) We are trying to raise our children with a different mentality. That dating is not ok, because it can be very difficult to guard your heart and stay focused on Christ. There is just something so sweet in giving your hubs the firsts of everything! (well, technically the seconds, ya know what I mean) :-)
I hope this post helps people to really think about what is important.

Stacey @ The Blessed Nest said...

Wow, can't believe I missed yest;s post! I haven't been contacted my any of my ex's, but my hubby has! She was friends with both of us in college, and after she let me know she had a thing for my then-boyfriend and how upset she was we were dating we weren't friends anymore. After we married she had called him AT WORK people! In 2 different states we lived in! How inappropriate!!! And then wants to be friends with him on facebook. Creepy. Thankfully my hubby had stopped (after the 1st one) taking her calls, knowing how completely inappropriate that was!! I am so glad to be married to such a great guy! :) Maybe we should come up with a "plan" as couples as far as what to do if it happens!!

christinnjon said...

I don't mind at all. :)

Megan said...

People say "you never forget your first love" which may be true. But i think there's a difference between "remembering" your "first love" (if that's what you want to call him) and desiring your first love. Sometimes i think people miss that TIME in their lives that they experienced with their first love, more than they miss the actual person himself. Maybe that ex boyfriend or girlfriend represents their youth and innocence. Who knows. But more often than not i know first loves often come back to haunt people who are in a committed relationship, and things get messed up. People start to re-think their committed relationship, simply because they think they miss the ex, but really they just miss the time in their lives the ex represents. And then more often than not, after someone ends their committed relationship to be with their ex, they find out that their ex really ISN'T the right person! I think it's best to keep ex's out of your life. It's very rare that you can "just be friends" with that person. It doesn't work. Like others have said, you shouldn't get married if you still have feelings for someone else...that's a given. But if you find yourself having feelings for the memories and not so much the person, i think it's best to just avoid that person altogether. Why even go down that road? It's not worth it.

Jen - Balancing beauty and bedlam said...

this is a great series, Sarah Mae...I guess that's why it's a good thing I didn't date much after high school. :)

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates said...

Another good series, Sarah Mae! This is another reason I am so glad that my son's Christian school teaches courtship seminars and explains why "dating" is harmful.

Reborn said...

Ack! I wrote like a 4 paragraph response and my internet connection went down and I lost it! I guess that's what I get for being so long-winded...

Anyways, the gist of it was this:

I didn't technically date/court anyone else except my hubby BUT this STILL applies to me. No matter what method of courtship you ascribe to, women will always struggle with becoming emotionally entwined with guys, even if they are trying to guard their hearts. It can even happen with a TV, movie, or book character, as the things the character says and does makes our hearts go pitter-patter.

I'm a huge advocate of courtship and I think dating for fun is a wordly concept. BUT I think it's possibly erroneous to say that Sarah Mae's post topic only applies to those who participated in the dating scene.

Dating might make the problem worse and cause a lot of grief, but this tendency is in all of us and we should all search our hearts for emotional impurity every day.

:) Thanks for another awesome and challenging post! I love your blog, Sarah Mae!

Amy W said...

I struggle with dreaming about past ex's. I think there are some latent "what if's" in my subconscious. Anyway, thanks for the post. I just bought Pursuing the Pearl and look forward to reading it!