Below is one woman's story of how failing to prepare our hearts and minds with the truth can lead to a serious breach of marriage. I applaud her courage and transparency in sharing it. Please offer this woman your love and compassion, for she is now on a journey to becoming a gracious, godly, and wise woman who is in love with her husband and Jesus Christ.
This area of my life is a very sensitive one, but after going through it, I really want to share with others what damaging effects can come from entertaining the idea that you can be “just friends” with an “ex” boyfriend. The fastest way to begin this is by saying this: just because we’re not intimate with another man, does not mean we’re not having an affair.
Women don’t need to have sex to be involved with another man. Let me share my story and it is with humility that I do so. This is not something I really like to talk about…
After the birth of my first child, roughly 6 1/2 years ago, I was frequently talking to an ex. The ex I dated before I met my husband. The one whom I thought I would marry. Long story short, he broke it off, and then later had regrets. My emotions betrayed me. I didn’t keep them in check and I thought I’d married the wrong person. Not because my husband was bad to me or even because we had a bad marriage, because we didn’t. Just because that’s what my emotions were telling me. This ex flattered me, listened to me (even though my husband did, too)…did all the things right by a woman.
One Friday he was going to be in the area to go to school and against better judgement, he came over while hubby was at work. I didn’t plan on anything happening. That’s the mistake. I tempted temptation. Although I didn’t plan for anything to happen, the moment had something else in mind and before I knew it I was lip-locked with this ex. I was humiliated before he even left the house. My first thought was what have I done?
I was so ashamed, I took my then 3 month old daughter and drove straight to my husband’s work and told him what happened, through tears. He extended me so much grace, I thought there was something wrong with him!
So, what mistakes did I make? Hmm…let’s see..
- talking to this guy in the first place
- believing our contact was “innocent” because nothing could be seen on the outside
- believing an emotional affair wasn’t an affair
- allowing him into the house without hubby; underestimating the power of temptation
- allowing this guy a piece of me
Today, I have to live with the betrayal. Although my husband has forgiven me and never brings it up to attack me and I know I am forgiven by Jesus, there is still a bit of shame that goes along with it.
So, that’s my story of the “ex” and what happens when we just aren’t honest with ourselves. Please, don’t fall into the same trap…don’t think, “Well, I’m not her, I won’t let that happen”. Wrong. I was one of those girls who never saw myself as a cheater and believed “once a cheater, always a cheater”. Thank God for his grace and another chance to prove that statement wrong! We don’t plan for these things to happen. It happens in a moment of weakness…one we do not expect. It happens because we believe it won’t happen to me. Precautions must be taken. Don’t even allow yourself around anyone of the opposite sex without your husband around. No exceptions.
Thank you for reading my story…it is not an easy one to share, but I cannot just sit back and not tell other women of the dangers involved.
My husband may still be intact…but there are still wounds/scars that go with it as a result.