Go Ahead - Give Your Kids What They Want!

In the spirit of this article from At the well and this one from We are THAT family, I now give you the below article from the talented (love how she writes) Dana from Composing Hallelujahs! (the new host of Motivate Me Monday). Dana is a Texas wife and blog-at-home mom of four. When she's not blogging, you'll find her homeschooling her cowboy-to-be son and three dancing-princess daughters. She also enjoys decorating cakes, blasting the house with heart pounding worship music and learning to ballroom dance with her silly romantic husband.

Go Ahead. Give Your Kids What They Want!

so maybe you're thinking, "Oh great, she's one of those mothers!" You know, the kind that lets her kids run wild, eat sugary snacks all day long and let's them do, go, and have anything and everything and then claim they're just "expressing themselves".

but notice i didn't suggest you give your kids EVERYTHING they want. {mm-hmm. still wondering? read on}

i'm actually a rather strict mom, compared to the "average jo" kind of mom at least. We have rules {probably too many in some people's eyes} and we do our best to be consistent and require obedience and respect and all that good stuff. {but please don't think they are all perfect little angels. cute? definitely. funny? for sure. perfect? yeah right!} I'm no Capt. VonTrap with a whistle, but the shoes stay off the furniture, no jumping on the beds and so on and so forth...

I'm also a teeny tiny itty bitty bit of a control freak/perfectionist {insert embarrased chuckle here}. That does NOT mean my house is in perfect order, but it means that I like to do certain things a certain way! So, I end up saying no to the kids quite a bit when they want to do something... like {gasp} help me with something! {which is probably WHY my house isn't in perfect order cause i'm trying to do it all myself}

now, i'm not talking about giving them the toy they whined for in the store {goodness gracious, no, never do that!}, i'm talking about giving them the feeling of value and belonging they desire, but don't know to put into those words.

some statements i usually say "no" to {normally without thinking, the "no" just comes out automatically} are things like...

"Can I help?" "No" {because it will go faster if i just do it}

or "Can I do the dishes?" "No" {cause i don't want to clean up a watery mess}

or "Can I vacuum?" "No" {it's too heavy for you and i don't want you to break something or scratch the baseboards}

or "Can I go with you?" "No" {because mommy needs some quiet time even if it is at the super crowded and noisy grocery store}

isnt' that silly of me?!?! and then... and then we wonder why it's a struggle to get the kids to help with the chores when they are older. sooo, i'm working on throwing caution to the wind {uh, not really throwing, more like underhand tossing} when it comes to giving my kids what they want. {but really it's what they need}.

When it comes to contributing to the family unit, our children need to feel that they are important and valuable to the survival of the family {this is also why we have chosen NOT to give an money/allowance for everyday chores, but only for above and beyond things and projects, like preparing a garden bed, helping dad build something, etc...}. Being a part of something bigger than themselves gives them a reason to work hard and remain committed and "loyal" {that's one reason why gangs are so appealing to many youth}

so next time your little one is wanting to water and weed the garden {even though they might pull up an actual plant or drown another}, or get the clothes out of the dryer {even thought half of them get dropped on the dusty laundry room floor}, or tag along on a trip to lowes {even though you were hoping for a moment of quiet}... show them how much you love them and just give'em what they want! ;)

Choosing To Be A Stay-At-Hom Mom Living On One Income

Lizanne of Clay Jar People emailed me some great questions on being a stay-at-home mom and how to manage a family on one income. She gave me permission to post her questions.

Choosing To Be A Stay-at-Home Mom Living on One Income

1. Were you at home before you had kids? Or did you only decide to stay home once you had babies?

I did work, but I knew that once I had my first child I would quit and stay home to
raise my child.


2. How do you manage to feed a family of 5 on one income? That's hectic!

It's really not that bad if you are willing to give up other things. We don't go
out to eat (fast food here and there), we have one vehicle (and a motorcycle),
we don't buy a bunch of things (no iphone, no flat screen T.V., no cable, no laptop, etc.) and
we budget. Our grocery bill is usually around $200-250/month.


3. My husband is planning to study part time, possibly full time, for about 7 years... How do you think we could manage since we want kids in that time?

Start living on one income now - save everything you make from your job. Get frugal.
Budget. Pray. Make staying at home your only option - seriously. When I got
pregnant, I was working for a non-profit making beans and my hubby was still in
school and working at a hot dog shop! If you want to be a full-time mommy and you
have limited finances, you have to be ridiculously committed, but it is worth every
"sacrifice" in the world.


4. How do you cut on your grocery budget?

Snacks are the first to go. I don't make very many exciting meals, and we don't eat
a lot of red meat. We pretty much stick to the basics! It makes for a great diet
program!


5. Do you guys have life insurance or pension? And what about savings?

We do have life insurance and a pension plan. My husband works for a School District
so we have excellent benefits. We do save - we follow Dave Ramsey's principles on
saving and it has worked very well for us.


6. I don't know how the cost of living compares in the US with South Africa, but its quite expensive here. For example, renting a small one bedroom flat costs R3000 which I think is about $300. I suppose its pretty much normal... But where does one cut costs?

You have to be willing to sacrifice "luxuries." Start with what you absolutely
need, and work up from there.


7. How do you manage with one car with kids? We have one car, which isn't an issue because I take the bus to work. But if we had kids it would be tougher. How do you manage?

My husband has a motorcycle, so that helps, but in the winter I either have to drive
him to work or stay home. On the days we stay home I try and plan for friends to
come visit, or we do other fun things.

Thank you for the awesome questions! I truly believe that you will never regret
staying home and raising up your sweeties for the Lord. :)

"Good point!" comment alert!

Robin: "Two questions: Is it easy to stay at home on one income? Is it easy to work outside the home with children? I have done both, so I know the answer to both. No. Which one would I die trying to accomplish? The first."

Amy: "So many people talk about the sacrifice that it takes to stay at home but I would like to mention the huge sacrifice that it takes to work outside the home. The sacrifice on our children's lives."

Anne: "If you have to work, let the Lord redeem it!"

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Discipline! Obedience! Black & White Issues! Have I Forgotten About Grace?

NO!

But maybe...

I love grace...I bask in the glorious grace brought forth by Jesus Christ! Perhaps, however, I have not properly communicated just how vital grace is, not only in our lives, but in the training and correcting of our sweet babes.

Oh that we would wrap the discipline and training of our children in grace, gentleness, patience, and love.

We must train and discipline our children, for no matter how "natural" sin is for them and their curious ways, Proverbs 22:15 teaches us that "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him." It is for love that we drive that foolishness from their hearts. We love them enough to guide them in righteousness. What is so important to remember in training our children is to lead them gently, remembering how the Lord so graciously leads us. So often I falter, yet my God has been ever patient with me, pouring His grace over my failures. May we do the same with our children, extending gifts of grace in the midst of transgression.

I now feel that is necessary to add one more thing.

I have this platform (my blog) to share with you things I've learned, wisdom I've gleaned, and other such things, but I am only a wretch who happens to have a covering of grace. I'm not going to get it all right, and sometimes I'm going to flat out fail. I can tell you this though, I love my God and will do my best to honor Him and His word with this blog and all I have to say and with all of who I am. That won't be good enough for everyone, and that's okay. Our identities are not found in one another, but rather in Christ Jesus, who loves us and gave His life for us. I will always stand by the truth of the Living Word, even when it is unpopular. I will also gladly fall into the arms of grace when the going gets tough and the pressure to get it all right surrounds me.

Today, let's all let ourselves be enclosed in the arms of grace.

"The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." Psalm 103:8

Related Articles:
Training and Discipline Techniques for your Kiddos (A.K.A Civilizing Those Darn Sin Natures!)
Burdens or Blessings? Dealing With Disobedience
How Do I View My Children As Blessings in the “Everyday”?
Whining & Complaining - Sinning With Your Mouth

10 Tips For Dealing With Sibling Conflict - Can't We All Just Get Along?

Brother and Sister, originally uploaded by wiseacredesign.

You know how it goes.

A little shove here, a little push there. The toy they both want. Grabbing. Shouting. Tears. Anger.

If you have kiddos, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Sibling conflict.

It's as old as time. In fact, the very first sibling conflict ended in death. I can think we can fare a little better than that.

10 Tips on Dealing with Sibling Conflict

1. Be available to grasp every teachable moment you can.

It must be said that without constant intervention and instruction, teaching our children to get along in love and patience will be very difficult. We have to not only be willing, but available to step in when conflict arises. No one else can train and teach your kiddos like you can...your influence in their lives in absolutely priceless. You are raising human beings - the greatest task God ever bestowed upon a woman, next to being your husbands helper-completer. Are you available to step-in during the many moments that day brings?

2. Have a backup of verses stored in your mind that you can teach your kiddos when a moment of conflict arises.

The two main verses we use in our home with respect to conflict are:

"Treat others as you would like to be treated." Luke 6:31

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 (we sing this one often)

3. Have a plan in place

When you hear the first cries of injustice sailing through the air, you can stay calm and focused if you have a plan in place. We plan because we know that conflict is inevitable, but it's our job to teach our kiddos kindness, patience, self-control, and servant-hood. When I hear the first hint of conflict, I try to be on it right away. Assess the situation, ask what happened, speak lovingly. I think sometimes it's easy to say to an older child, "just give it to your brother/sister, they're younger than you!" This approach (which I have done before) is lacking because it is a missed opportunity to engage in fairness and selflessness. The older one needs to know that you are doing your best to treat them with them with fairness. The younger one needs to learn that they can't always have what they want.
Another great plan to impart is the "no grabbing, try asking" plan. This little gem is from Shaping Little Souls.

4. Hold your tongue (and "watch" your eyes)

The temptation when we hear the screaming is to roll our eyes and march to the situation with a "give-me-break guys, you need to just get along...WHAT'S THE PROBLEM NOW?!! reaction. Oh wait, you mean that's only me? Ahem. Well anyway, it's important that we try and remember that our little sinners are just doing what they are supposed to do...it is our job to civilize them. Try not to roll your eyes and yell. Try and speak kindly and in an understanding tone. I know it's hard. But let's try.

5. Employ wisdom

Remember those verses you tucked away for such an occasion? Now is the time to use them. When conflict ensues, enter the lion's den with Jesus! I'll give an example of a common conflict: you hear the scream, "Nooooooooo, that's my toy!" "Ahhhhhhhhhh....." You enter to see tears trickling down your daughters face as she lashes out in anger at her brother to grab back her toy. In the meantime, he is trying to run away with it, screaming and fighting for freedom. Step in, get down to your daughters level, and ask what happened. "He took my toy, I was playing with it." "Okay honey, but we never hit or push or hurt to get what we want. If you're angry, run away and come to mommy." Now is your opportunity to go to the other child and explain that "we don't take toys from each other, we take turns." I then set a timer that gives the first child 5 minutes with the toy. Then the toy goes to the other child and the first one willingly gives it up in love (because we talk about how sharing is kind and Jesus wants us to be kind to one anther). Use these moments to sprinkle truth into their little hearts. These conflicts are wonderful opportunities to share Jesus and His heart for how we are to live.

6. Be ready to discipline

This is crucial, especially when violence is involved. Hitting/biting is absolutely unacceptable and must be dealt with immediately. The minute you see one of your children hurting another, take swift action to correct that child. In our family, after we discipline the offending child, we take their hands and rub them on our face and say, "hands are for looooooooove and gentleness." Our kids love saying that and smile every time. In fact, we find ourselves often saying, "what are hands for?" And the kiddos respond "loooooooooove." If kicking is involved, I always say, after correcting the offender, "we don't use our bodies to hurt each other, our bodies are to be used for the glory of God." (We got the "hands are for love" technique from this fantastic article about fussing by Sally Clarkson.)

7. Nurture positive relationships

Plan fun activities for the family and for your children...often. Make memories, laugh, sing, tackle each other in the snow, build one another up with sincere praise, write notes of encouragement, be in awe of the different personalities that make up your family, and learn to enjoy each another in the unique ways that God has fashioned each one of us! As we nurture the family relationships as a while, the sibling relationships will form a positive lasting bond as well.

8. Be an example

Do you and your husband quarrel in front of your kiddos? Do you try and serve one anther or always ask/expect to be served? Do you do your best to speak kindly and in love or do you "snap" and nag? Do you forgive or hold grudges? The weight of our actions is far greater than our words.

9. Steer clear of movies that use the stereotypical brother and sister model

It seems like every "family" movie I see has a brother and sister that "annoy" and treat each other with incredible disrespect. I'm sorry, I don't care if it's the "norm." It doesn't have to be. While there may be truth to an extra load of conflict because of living under one roof together day in and day out, it is not excuse to treat one another with disdain. I personally believe that teaching siblings to work through their conflicts and treat each other with kindness, selflessness and respect prepares them for marriage one day. Yep. When we marry someone, we are in it, even through the hard times, the sometimes long days and the annoying habits of our spouse. We are still to be loving.

10. Pray that they would be best friends

I'm serious. Quit laughing! Okay, okay, so maybe your children won't be best friends, but...maybe they will. Or maybe they will at least learn to love, respect, and truly enjoy each other. Are you praying this?

"I often told my children that God said, "How good and how pleasant it is for brothers (and sisters!) to dwell together in unity." Also, Jesus and John said that others would know we were Jesus's disciples by our love for one another. And of course, we read I Corinthians 13 and talked about it over and over again. So, love and graciousness was the goal of our relationship training." Sally Clarkson, Fussing Part 2

Two MUST read articles by Sally Clarkson in how to handle sibling conflict and quarreling:
Fussing, fussing, fussing! And How To Tame It
Fussing Part 2

Book Recommendation:
Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends

This post is linked with Real Life's Your Life, Your Blog

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Training & Discipline Techniques For Your Kiddos (A.K.A. Civilizing Those Darn Sin Natures!)

"Respect your children more than your closest friends." -Susan Bradrick

This week, my friend Christin (Journey to a Gracious Woman) and I will be hosting a little series on civilizing our kiddos! You know, the training and discipline thing...yea, pretty important!

For part of my (completely haphazard) Reclaiming Your Life series, I was going to be writing about the importance of our children being trained and disciplined so that they bring us delight instead of shame. I saw that Christin was also going to be writing about the subject, so I contacted her about "tag-teaming." She was all for it! I am looking forward to her posts, and I hope you will stick around for mine (even though I only have training tips for babes three and under!).

Head on over to Christin's today for her article, "The Duty of Discipline." She is also having a giveaway!

Here is our series schedule (hmmm..a series within a series...):

• Tuesday @ Journey to a Gracious Woman: Topic–The Duty of Discipline plus a Giveaway!
• Wednesday @ Like a Warm Cup of Coffee: Topic– Direct Disobedience
• Thursday @ Journey to a Gracious Woman: Topic–Winning Over Whining & Bad Attitudes
• Friday @ Like a Warm Cup of Coffee: Topic–Sibling Conflicts
  

Reclaiming Your Life:
I Don't Want To View My Children As Burdens (the post that made me realize I needed to reclaim my life)
Learning To Lose Myself
A Challenge
Losing It
Equipped For Battle
Making Our Priorities A Reality
Not A Perfect Life, A Blessed One
Let's Talk Feminism
Living Unbounded By Feminist Fear
Submitting To A Sinner

Keep up with Like A Warm Cup of Coffee by clicking here!

I Don't Want To View My Children As Burdens

Do you ever just want to run away from life?

Lately I have been feeling a little crazy...like I'm going to lose it. I know I'm still super hormonal from the recent birth of my daughter, but I don't like who I am some days. My sister-in-law tells me she prays for a new heart. I need a new heart, and a new perspective.

What I want to feel like:

"Don't you see that children are God's best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?" Psalm 127:3 (The Message)

What I'm struggling with feeling:

"Having children is like being pecked to death by ducks." Harley Davidson sticker

My Abortion Story

In the news today: U.S. recession linked to more abortions,...

I was 16 years old. I was given a new name and then was drugged...I didn't like the IV. My dad held my hand but I started to get really fidgety. They upped my drug dosage. I was wheeled away. I was so cold, but they gave me a blanket. I counted backwards from 100...99...98...

The end.

The end of my first baby's life.

It was always weird for me when I was pregnant with my first born, because people would always ask, "is this your first?" I hated that question. I didn't know how to answer.

"Um, no, I killed my first baby, this will be my second." That wouldn't work. "My first is in heaven." That won't work either, people will think I miscarried. I landed on, "This is my husband and I's first."

Its been 13 years since I had my abortion. Even though I have been forgiven and set free from the bondage I was once in, the memories of that time in my life and my fateful decision still hurt so deeply upon remembrance.

I'll never forget when I called to tell my dad I was pregnant. He was so kind and loving towards me. I'll also never forget the words out of my grandmother's mouth when I told her the same thing, "I'll take care of it." What? "No, I'm keeping the baby."

Three months later she had "it" taken care of.

The three months I was pregnant when I was 16 were probably the three hardest months of my life. I was very sick, I felt very alone, and I was being torn in directions I wasn't prepared for. Everyone had a solution to my "problem," but no one wanted to hear mine. I wanted to keep the baby...at first. I figured I could get married and start a family. After talking with others and them telling me how I would miss such important things if I had a baby, like prom, I thought it would be better if I gave the baby to someone who couldn't have children. Nope, people didn't like that idea either. During this time, my mom totally checked out of the situation. She almost became numb to the whole thing. She had her own demons to deal with and couldn't handle mine. My dad, a wonderful father, had decided that abortion probably was the better choice. I don't think he really believed that, but he had pressures of his own. One person in my life even wanted the baby for themselves, but I couldn't bear that person raising my child. Did I mention that my grandmother, who I thought was my "best friend," stopped talking to me during this time? She wouldn't even look at me. The final straw was when my other grandmother came to visit me. She convinced me that having an abortion really would be the best decision. She spoke to me so kindly and she showed me love. I was desperate for any signs that I was lovable at that point, so I agreed right then and there to have an abortion.

I went to see the doctor who would perform the abortion. He had the nerve to tell me,"only a fool makes the same mistake twice." He seemed so wise...I wonder how many mistakes he's performed over his lifetime.

The night before the "procedure" I asked the baby to forgive me. I held my tummy and cried.

The day arrived and my dad accompanied me to the hospital. Yes, the hospital, not the local abortion clinic. The doctor thought I would do better being at a hospital where I could be totally put out...drugged to unawareness. He even had my name changed so there would be no record that I had an abortion...I did have a fairly prominent family. That afternoon I didn't have an abortion, Sandy Charles did. Sandy Charles gave up hope that day...Sandy Charles let them stick a needle in her arm, drugs in her veins, and a murderer into her private domain. Sandy Charles offered her baby up for slaughter.

I slept for two days. When I woke up I was at my grandmothers, the one who wouldn't speak to me before but was now serving me toast with a smile. I had moved in with her because my step mom didn't want me anywhere near her...I was bad. I ate the toast. Nothing was ever spoken about my abortion. It was a new day. It was like it never happened.

To be continued... (read part 2 of my story here)

Under the fierce fluorescent

she offered her hand for me to hold

she offered stability and calm

and i was crushing her palm

through the pinch-pull wincing

my smile unconvincing

on that sterile battlefield that sees

only casualties

never heroes

my heart hit absolute zero

-Ani Defranco

Sharing my story works for me...I hope it impacts someone somewhere who needs to hear it.

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 4 - Stepping Out In Faith (In This Day and Age, Eight May Not Be Too Young)

When we talk to our kids about sex, we are really stepping out in faith.

We don't always know what to say or the best way of saying it, but we do it anyway. We put our own fears and failures aside because we know that there is something valuable and eternal to be gained. We do it because we love our children.

Many of you out there may think that eight or nine years old is too young you to be talking to about sex, but sadly, in this day and age, younger and younger children are throwing themselves into a dark world of seduction and sexual behaviors...and they don't even realize what they are doing. We (our culture) didn't protect them, love them, nurture them, teach them, role-model for them. Our culture has thrown them to the wolves. Don't believe me?

Fifth Graders Charged With Having Sex In Classroom

Middle School Children As Young As 12 Engaging In Risky Sexual Behaviors

Mommy, What's A Rainbow Party?

Teen Wire (Planned Parenthood's Website For Teens) (Prepare to be appalled)

Just Google "Teacher's Having Sex With Their Students" and you will have an endless supply of articles.

Whether you homeschool or send your children to a public or private school, they are or will be hearing about sex, even at sweet innocent ages. Now you have to decide whether or not you will step out of your comfort zone for the sake of your children. What will you do?

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 1 - Fear

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 Continued (How)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 3 - Firm Foundation (Plus Questions & Comments)

Tomorrow I want to share with you my story.

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Motivate Me Monday! It's Hard To Be A Stay-At-Home Mommy, Wife, & Homemaker

I wouldn't change being a stay-at-home mommy, wife, or homemaker for anything in the world.

But it sure is hard sometimes.

You know, trying to be good at it all. I find myself pulled in so many directions, giving emotionally until I am drained...or just a zombie.


I have to consistently fight off the beast of self-entitlement. The monster of self dominates my heart so many times..."I want," "I deserve," "I need..."

What I need is the strength of Jesus to die to myself and give...be a servant...fully. Oh, and do these things authentically.

I can be a good wife (the wife mask) and a good mom (the mom mask), and even a good homemaker sometimes (homemaking mask), but I don't always do them with an authentic heart that truly is.

Do you know what I mean? Can you relate?

I can fake it, sort of. I can make my husband breakfast, or give him the attention he longs for, but my heart isn't in it. I do it to be good, not because I have the honor and joy of fulfilling a beautiful God-given role.

Don't get me wrong, I do desire to have a cheerful heart and positive attitude in all of the domains the Lord has blessed me with, I just find myself more often then not "checking out" and just checking off a list. Sometimes it's easier to pretend then to be.

In our culture, we don't want to do "hard things." The thing is, it's those "hard things" that grow our character and bring us into a deeper and more fulfilling intimacy with the Lord. It's those "hard things" that will have us looking back with gratefulness rather than regret. And it's those "hard things" that will bring eternal value to our lives and the lives of others.

My motivation for the day? Keep persevering. Never stop. Trust the promises of God.

He made me a woman, a mommy, a wife, and a keeper of my home. He will honor my obedience, and when I disobey or "check out" He will guide me back. He begins softly nudging my heart, knowing and understanding my struggles. If I choose to only wear the mask and neglect my heart attitude, He will pursue me with more might. I am His. I may fail Him, but He will never fail me.

Your Turn!

• Share some advice, wisdom, practical applications, tips you've learned, etc. that you think would benefit and motivate others.

*Make sure to link directly to your MMM post and then link back here!

By the way, I didn't forget about the contest, I'm just still mulling it all over...

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How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 3 - Firm Foundation (Plus Questions & Comments From YOU)

My gift, by bpitzer20

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 1 - Fear
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 Continuted (How)

Six Biblical Reasons Why God Gave The Gift Of Sex

Life

"And Adam knew Eve as his wife, and she became pregnant and bore Cain; and she said, I have gotten and gained a man with the help of the Lord." Genesis 4:1

Pleasure

Just read Song of Solomon...that pretty much says it all! Here's another verse for you though:

"Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant doe [tender, gentle, attractive]--let her bosom satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love." Proverbs 5:19

Intimate Oneness

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church." Ephesians 5:31-32

"On your wedding night when you and your bridegroom become one sexually, you will experience the most intimate physical act on this earth. When you taste of the kit-together closeness and experience the melting together of your bodies, you will then have a visual picture of the spiritual closeness that the Lord Jesus wants with you." Paraphrase, Gift-Wrapped By God by Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus

Deterrent To Temptation

"Let your way in life be far from her, and come not near the door of her house [avoid the very scenes of temptation]...Drink waters out of your own cistern [of a pure marriage relationship], and fresh running waters out of your own well...Let your fountain [of human life] be blessed [with the rewards of fidelity], and rejoice in the wife of your youth." Proverbs 5

Comfort

After David and Bathsheba's first son died:

"David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went to her and lay with her..." 2 Samuel 12:24

Unique Knowledge

"And Adam knew (had sexual intercourse) Eve as his wife..." Genesis 4:1

"The Hebrew word for sexual intercourse is "to know." Through God's gift of sex, you and your husband will receive an intimate knowing of one another that you have with no one else. This special secret between just the two of you will bring an incredible depth to your relationship." Gift-Wrapped By God by Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus

Comments & Questions From YOU

"I do want to encourage Moms to take the plunge and have this most important talk!! My oldest is 9 and I waited too long-she heard a GRAPHIC description (not Godly in any way) from a classmate."

"My daughter (not yet 7) has made it very clear that she is having some sort of "romantic" feelings. It wasn't by word of her mouth, but actions I observed...Parents, I'm telling you, I don't know where this is coming from. My daughter is homeschooled and all movies are monitored. There is no tv viewing of any kind (other than parent chosen dvds)."

"I would highly advise Passport to Purity - it not only covers sex, but living in every area of life to honor the Lord."

"What am I most afraid of? The information being used against me! Meaning, I fear that if I give too much insight, curiosity will take over."

"My mom JUST gave me the book "Sex Education is For the Family" by Tim LaHaye. I read through most of the book last night, as it is tremendously helpful in instructing, scripting, explaining, and encouraging a godly "sex education" through life!"

"How do you react if your kids see two people (Sometimes even same-sex) behaving inappropriately in public?"

"...as the mom of an almost 9 year old, to say that they need a complete description of 'how-to' at 8 just REALLY bothers me, and your suggestion to build excitement and expectation of finding out this secret stuff pretty much horrifies me...I feel very strongly that my kids need to hear this from me and to hear it from a Godly, Christian perspective, but they need to know and hear it at a point where it is emotionally and physically appropriate. You need to be tuned in, not on a schedule."

When your three year old asks how people are made: How Questions :)

We're not done yet...come back Tuesday (and Monday, for Motivate Me Monday of course!)

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How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 Continued (The "How-To")

*Habakkuk discussion day at the forum! Join us!

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 1 - Fear

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)

How on earth do you start a conversation about sex with an eight year old?

I don't know, I've never done it, but thankfully many others have. Here are some tips I have gathered (remember, these are just suggestions):

Build Anticipation

Make the up-coming talk something to look forward to...a special secret that is about to be divulged. A month before your child's eighth birthday start building the anticipation by telling them you have a very special secret to share with them about one of the most amazing and awesome things in the world. They will beg you to give them a hint. Tell them how excited you are to tell them all about it, but they just have to wait a little longer. As the day nears, keep the anticipation alive.

Plan A Special Day

Perhaps their eighth birthday? If you are going to use the "building the anticipation" strategy, tell them they may pick out a special restaurant to eat at that night where they will get to learn about the secret. If you are uncomfortable about a public setting, just make sure you pick a place where other siblings won't be around, especially younger ones. Remember, this is a very special occasion...share with one child at a time.

Mom and Dad Please

Both parents should sit down with their child to talk about sex, at least for the "mechanics" talk. You and your husband are a team and you both should be present to explain things. As the child begins puberty, on-going talks should be done mother to daughter, father to son.

Yes, The Whole Shebang

It may be helpful to use a book while explaining sex to your child (or at least having read one yourself to give you some confidence). One that I have been referred to is "Where Did I Come From." Apparently it's somewhat of a classic. Personally, I'm all about the God's Design For Sex Series (see bottom of post under resources).

"Emphasize that sex was God's idea, and that He created it to bring great joy to people who use the gift the way He intended - within marriage between a man and a woman. Understand that your children are sexual beings from the day they're born, and that the changes they go through during puberty as they mature are normal and positive changes. Help them accept and embrace the wonderful way God created them..." Whitney Hopler, How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex

There Will Be Questions

You may be at the restaurant all night! That's okay, plan on it. Answer your child's questions freely and honestly but keep in mind their innocence. Use discernment with your words. With this in mind, don't shy away from certain topics that deserve an answer. For example, if your child brings up something they've seen that's pornographic, discuss it with them lovingly, being careful not to divulge too much too soon, but letting them know that there is a good side and a bad side to sex. Pornography is showing sex in a light that isn't beautiful and awesome. I highly recommend the book Point Man for an excellent way to handle talking to your son about pornography.

Other Age Ranges For Discussions

Puberty: 8-13

Pornography: 11/12

Between the ages of 11 and 16 the facts have been put in place. It is now your job to help continue to encourage them in the truth and in pure behavior.

What If My Child Has Already Had Sex?

I really like the way the below author handles talking to a child who has already had sex:

(Parent talking to teen) "I've realized how much more I could have told you and discussed with you as you were growing up. If I'd done so, you wouldn't have had to learn as much as you have from friends or media or even from the sexual experience you've had. So first I'd like to apologize for not telling you more sooner. I love you, will you accept my apology?" How To Talk To Your Child About Sex

Ask then if you can take some time to go over the things you should have shared. This opens up a dialogue and the opportunity for you to bring it back to God. Love, grace, and forgiveness should be at the doorstep of your heart as you talk it through.

Sexual Abuse

Sadly (and sickeningly) there are many children out there who are being sexually abused. It is vital that we do our very best to protect our children from abuse, and one way is to talk about "good touching" and "bad touching." Make sure your child knows that no one is allowed to touch them in their private places or have them touch others private places. Make sure they know that even if someone makes them feel uncomfortable in any way that can say, "please stop touching me." Practice with them. Tell them they have full permission to scream at the top of their lungs if they are ever scared or being hurt. Practice screaming inside and outside the house so they feel comfortable enough to do it if they have to.

If you find out that your child has been abused, it is so important that you handle your child (or teen) with great care. Child psychiatrists say that the next worst thing to child abuse is parents who don't handle the news well. Do not make them feel guilty or ashamed. Many parents say, "why didn't you tell me?" and guilt comes into play.

HOW CAN YOU KNOW IF YOUR CHILD IS ABUSED?

By Dannah Gresh (printed with consent)

Approximately 15-25% of adult women and 5-15% of adult men were sexually abused as children. It's a frightening reality. How can you know if your child is a victim? Watch for these signs.

First, watch for a sudden and unusual interest in sex or sexual things.

Second, consider that sleeping problems or nightmares that seem to stem from nowhere could be a symptom.

Third, an unusual fear of going to a certain house, school or class is sometimes a sign that something bad has happened in that place.

Fourth, children of abuse often attempt expressions of sexual molestation in artwork or play-acting. These things can be evidence that it's time for you to dig a little deeper to see if there is something your child desperately wants to tell you, but doesn't know how.

If you do find that there is abuse present, act quickly to get your child into the care of a trained counselor who can help you and your family make good decisions about what is the best course of action. Each child and each case is different, but all of them are tender and need meticulous attention to specific needs.

Resources

How To Talk To Your child About Sex, by Linda and Richard Eyre (contains dialogues)

The Story Of Me, (God's Design For Sex Series) by Brenna Jones (ages 3-5)

Before I Was Born, (God's Design For Sex Series) by Carolyn Nystrom (ages 5-8)

Facing The Facts, (God's Design For Sex Series) by Brenna Jones (ages 11-14)

Point Man, by Steve Farrar

How To Talk With Your Children About Sex, by Whitney Hopler (article)

A Chicken's Guide To Talking Turkey With Your Kids About Sex, by Dr. Kevin Leman and Kathy Flores Bell

Tomorrow we will talk about why God created sex (did you know there are six biblical reasons God created sex?).

(All the tips I've mentioned are just suggestions. Modify how you like!)

*I'm also over At The Well today

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Talking To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 - Freedom (The Why And The When)

Eight years old. Time for the "big" talk. Maybe even seven.

Wait, before I get ahead of myself, there is so much more to talking about sex than the "big" talk...so much more.

We have to first determine why we want to talk to our kids about sex. Is it just to have them avoid STD's, pregnancy out of marriage, emotional hurts, etc.? Or is it about explaining to them about one of the greatest, most beautiful, joyous, amazing, gifts on this earth that God has bestowed to us?

How Do You View Sex?

This is a very important question because it can greatly affect how you approach the topic of sex. Do you see sex as good and joyous? Do you view it as a gift? Perhaps you think of sex as dirty or useless. If you think you may have some unhealed hurts or sexual sin in this area, please commit to facing them so that you can be released from shame. You don't want to end up putting your hurts or hang-ups on your children (see core lies series).

"Parents must make sure all their issues with God are settled. Many parents are too ashamed to talk about sex and don't. The shame may come from past sexual experiences, pornography, or other sexual sins." Dannah Gresh, Pure Freedom

Why Should I Talk To My Child About Sex?

If you don't, someone will. The information they receive may be completely contrary to your beliefs. The information may be inaccurate or twisted. It may be right on. The point is, you have the awesome task of sharing something beautiful with your children, and then guiding them in the good and right way so that the gift can be protected and cherished. You can add morality and integrity and beauty to sex, the way it was intended. You can walk beside your child on a continual journey of exploration into the curious and wonderful world of sex, lovingly guiding and teaching them toward truth. You can (and should) be their biggest influence.

When Should I Talk To My Child About Sex?

Continually, beginning as young as three.

"At ages 3-5, parents can show their child a flower and point out the different parts of it, explaining that it takes mommy parts and daddy parts to create life." Dannah Gresh

With my three year old little girl, I am always explaining to her that God made our bodies so amazing and special. We talk about the parts of her body (telling her the real names) and what parts are private that no one should touch or make her touch. We talk about how God made marriage for a man and woman and how one day God might bring her a husband. We talk about love - how mommy and daddy love each other so much and are thankful to God for bringing us together as a family. All of these things are introducing her to sex but in innocent and age-appropriate ways.

As far as an actual "sex talk" that describes the mechanics, eight years old is a good age (if you missed that age, remember, better late then never!).

"Age eight is a "window" between the disinterest of very young childhood and the moodiness and unpredictability of prepuberty...they are the most open, natural, curious, positive, impressionable, and appreciative-and the least cynical or embarrassed." Linda and Richard Eyre, How To Talk To Your Child About Sex

However, communicating about sex starts much earlier and lasts longer. How we talk about and act towards our bodies, marriage, love, family and commitment is all communicated through our daily interactions with each other and can all be linked to sex in age appropriate ways through the years. Remember, the goal is not a one-time talk, but rather on-going, honest, open dialogue that is exciting and positive.

Tomorrow I am going to dig into the "how-to's" of talking to your children about sex.

Talking To Children About Sex, Part 1 - Fear

Articles of Interest:

Little Girls by Laura B.

Honoring Marriage - Bible Bites (Love Week 2)

How To Raise Sexually Pure Kids by Dannah Gresh

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 1 - Fear
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)

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Talking To Your Children About Sex, Part 1 - Fear

Have you talked to your child/children about sex? If you have toddlers, have you thought about how and when you are going to talk about it?

Does the mere mention of talking about it scare the heck out of you? Make you feel embarrassed, unqualified, weird...etc.?

I think one word sums up why so many parents fail to talk to their kids about sex: fear.

Fear that you are a hypocrite if you try to teach your kids something about sex that perhaps you didn't do yourself.

Fear that you don't know what to say or how to say it.

Fear that you are unqualified to teach about sex.

Fear that it will be weird or awkward.

Fear that if you talk about it your kids will ask you questions you don't want to answer.

Fear that you may have to face your own "issues" with sex (possibly some core lies).

There are many reasons we don't talk with our children about sex, but it's time to put away our fears and do our job as parents. Our fears must be dealt with so that we can get on with the business of sharing with our children one of the most beautiful gifts that God gave us.

You, the parent, are the best person to talk with your kids about sex. You guide them, instill in them a moral code, and have the ability to give accurate information with integrity. You have the opportunity to turn the world's idea of misplaced sex into the joyful, positive, beautiful thing that it is. You are the one who will link sex to marriage, family, love and commitment. You are the one who can potentially protect your child from sexual abuse by giving them the tools and guidance they need regarding sex. You.

Over the next few days we are going to dig in on when and how to talk to your children about sex. Tomorrow we talk freely about the details...and the freedom in the details.

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How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 Continued (How)
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 3 - Firm Foundation (Plus Questions & Comments)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 4 - Stepping Out In Faith

What are you most afraid of when it comes to talking about sex with your kids?

Who's Sick?

I am.

Blech.....

While I'm out, here are some articles from the blogosphere that I've enjoyed this week:

Lisa's One Year Blogaversary Party - lot's of prizes

"It's finally officially my Blogaversary!!! Woo Hoo!!! Welcome! Let the party begin!"

Joyous Passover For Little Ones - Great ideas for celebrating passover with your family

"This week we celebrate how God has freed us from our slavery to sin.
We celebrate that He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
We celebrate the magnificent fact that because we are covered by Jesus’ blood, Death has passed over us and has no sting."

What A Waste

"A number of years ago someone asked me, I don't remember who it was exactly, "Why don't you have a job?"I replied without thinking, "Because I'm not stupid."...What if I were to be so drained from pouring my life out for someone else's dream that I had no more time and energy for such foolish, "meaningless" things?"

His rib

"As a wife and the closest person on earth to him, you decide what kind of existence he will have. If he will enjoy his life at home or will he avoid his home altogether."

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

Well, it seems it is that time again, time for a new series.

On sex.

That's right. Actually, on talking to your kids about it. It will go something like this:

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex:

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 1 - Fear
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 (Why and When)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 2 Continued (How)

How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex, Part 3 - Firm Foundation (Questions & Comments From You)

Part 4 - Faith

You are probably wondering how on earth I qualify to talk about such things as my oldest is only three years old. I can understand, but I just happen to be a bit passionate about the subject. I worked in a crisis pregnancy clinic counseling many young women who ended up pregnant, in part due to a lack of "sex education" at home. I also have a little personal experience with the topic.

I hope you join me...you know I'm gonna wanna hear all your insights!

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7 Pregnancy and Newborn Myths

Yesterday's post received a ton of responses. I think I will do a follow-up post with some additional comments/thoughts.

For today however, I'd like to lighten it up a bit with a fun post from my bloggy friend Isabel. Isabel is the wife to Kenneth and old full-time mum to 3 kids: Emma, soon to be 5, Daniel 3 and a half, and Julia 2 and a half. She started her humour-spiced blog, Thrills, Frills and Drills of Motherhood, less than a year ago, to write about her adventures in motherhood and wifehood! She likes to see the funnier side of parenting, which helps her not to lose her mind... not too often that is! Enjoy!

7 Pregnancy and Newborn Myths

Ah! Having a baby!! Isn’t this the best blessing of all? Definitely not an easy and straight forward situation to handle though. I learned that the hard way: three babies in two years five months! However this “full immersion course” in pregnancy and births has taught that many of the things said regarding pregnancy and newborns are pure myths. Here I share some of them with you. This is not an exhaustive list of course and it is based solely on my experience.

Myth 1: Birth preparation - Isn’t this a contradiction in terms? How can you ever be prepared for something like giving birth through a lecture or watching a birth video (with no sound, or with some background instrumental music)? I remember myself going in to give birth to my first baby, telling everyone how calm and unafraid I was. When I got to know that I was pregnant with my third, I couldn’t sleep for three whole nights because of the memory of my previous labour (a mere two and a half months prior) was too vivid in my mind! However I do believe that birth preparation classes have their utility. These classes should prepare the husbands for labour. They should focus on telling the husband not to insist too much on helping the wife to “breath correctly dear," or “you don’t need a painkiller honey." They should fortify the husband not to faint at the crowning part, and also prepare them for any unusual behaviour of the wife. I did hear of a couple of vicious attacks on husbands during labour…; o)

Myth 2: Maternal Instincts - I don’t know why, but everyone seems to believe that maternal instincts come, well instinctively. In my case they didn’t come, at all. I remember coming home with my 2.3 kg baby in my arms, totally and completely devoid of any idea of how this baby will sleep, feed and generally survive. Maybe it was the fact that this baby cried a lot, that I remember this overwhelming feeling of “What am I supposed to do?” I remember asking all my friends, and whoever happened to call about breastfeeding, sleep and why do they think my baby cries so much. I mean can you be more desperate than this? Asking people why they think my baby is crying?? To further illustrate my lack of instincts, (or shall I say common sense?), I used to cradle my baby for almost an hour to sleep. It happened often that half an hour later I used to wake her up for her bottle, because I was supposed to feed her every 4 hours… I could eat my hand remembering this!

Myth 3: Newborns all look alike - Other newborns may look alike but my babies were absolutely the most beautiful newborns ever! Of course when I look at the pictures now I ask myself “How could I say they were beautiful?” But now I surely understand the midwife’s look when I uttered “Oh how beautiful she is” when she first showed her to me.

Myth 4: Babies smell so sweet - Funny huh? Anyone who has ever had the opportunity of spending at least one hour in the proximity of a baby can say how untrue this statement is! Yes babies do smell sweet, up to, say 5 minutes after their bath. After that they either smell of sour milk, or… well you know. I mean how can such a tiny sweet body produce such foul smells?

Myth 5: It’s colic - I have already mentioned how much my first born cried. Well I have lost counts of the number of times I was told by people: “Oh it must be colic”and me, being such an unsure mum, bought into it! What is this thing with colic? Is it a buzz word in newborn jargon? No, it is NOT always colic. Sometimes it’s hunger, sometimes it is tiredness, many times I don’t know what it is but it surely is not colic.

Myth 6: Newborns sleep 18 hours a day - I still have to meet a real newborn who sleeps so much. I am scientifically certain that whoever came up with this statistic did not have any babies. Neither does that wise person who coined the phrase‘sleeping like a baby’. If you think you sleep like a baby you don’t have one because, 1. You don’t really know how babies sleep and 2. If you had a baby you wouldn’t sleep, at all! More advice that cracks me up is “Sleep while your baby sleeps”. Yeah this is great when you have just one baby, but what about when you have other toddlers/ children?

Myth 7: Back to normal soon after birth - Can you EVER get back to normal? I might get back to normal once my kids get married and are gone. Before that time, I don’t think I could ever be normal again! After all, giving birth is relatively easy compared to bringing them up!

Stop by Isabel's blog and give her some comment love!

How Do You Know When To Stop Having Children?

My husband and I think we are done having biological children...but we're just not 100% sure...

We are praying about what to do, but I can't seem to get all "the voices" out of my head. Are we being disobedient to God if we don't have more bio children? Is it a decision that God has given us the authority to make (I tend to lean toward this)? That darn quiver full movement won't leave my head! Grrrr...Voddie...

Don't get me wrong, I know I don't want 20 kids.

I think the hard part is just taking the leap to actually have surgery to pretty much guarantee no more little babes. What if we change our minds?

This decision is so much more difficult than I anticipated! I have always wanted a large family, but I want a large adopted family! Pregnancy is just too stinkin' hard for me, especially the sickness. I want to be intentional about raising my kiddos in the Lord, but barfing makes it really difficult to focus...especially when you want to homeschool!

Anyone else struggle with this decision?

"If You Cross Your Eyes They Will Stay Like That!"

Today's guest post is by Danielle Smith, owner of the website Extraordinary Mommy. Danielle is a wife and Mommy to two young children. In her 'free time', she balances work as the founder and primary author of ExtraordinaryMommy.com as well as co-anchoring two in-the-works blog talk radio shows. She is also the Editor for StLouisKids.com and is a regular contributor to FamilyFoodies.com.

Picture this:

I am about 8 years old. I have lots of freckles and a strawberry blond ponytail. With my hands on my hips and a flip of my hair, I look my parents directly in the eyes and I boldly announce, "I will never say that to my kids when I have them."

Fast forward a whole bunch of years.

Now picture me, 30-something year old, mother of two small people, with a foot planted firmly in my mouth. I can honestly say, I never dreamed I could be so-very-wrong. What, you are wondering, was I so intent on banning from my parental vocabulary? Let me give you the rundown.

*Because I Said So - Surely you remember hearing this when you were little? Why can’t I spend the night at Sabrina’s house? Because I said so. (Because I don’t trust Sabrina’s parents one little bit) Why can’t I have another piece of cake? Because I said so. (Because the sugar contained in one piece will already keep you up until 9pm. I’d rather we both get some sleep tonight) Why can’t I ride my bike to Marie’s house? Because I said so. (Because I am too scared thinking of all the things that could happen to you along the way like kidnappers and erratic drivers) Let’s be honest, because I said so is code for because I am not going to tell you why – though I am laying down the law.

*Can’t you two just get along? – I used to wonder why my parents were always so bothered about my brother and I fighting. I mean, really? What’s the big deal? The big deal is that I want my little ones to love each other, to protect each other, to stick up for each other. How are you supposed to do that when you are mean to each other? Now that I am a mommy, I realize that there is something so painful about watching the two people you love most in the world fight. Plus, the bickering hurts my brain. I’m sure my mom would agree.

*Just do as I say. When I was little this was the end of the line. This phrase was usually uttered through clenched teeth and often when we were misbehaving in public. There was something about the look in mom’s or dad’s eyes that let me (and my brother) know we needed to cease and desist immediately. This was the moment when we stopped fighting, quieted down or ate our dinners. I hate to admit it, but I think, as parents, we have to find ‘that look’ or ‘that phrase’ that lets our kids know when they are getting out of hand and need to straighten up – right away.

*I don’t care who started it, it needs to stop. This falls into the same category as ‘can’t you two just get along?’. It clearly applies to the fighting. I always cared who started it – especially if it wasn’t me (if it was me, I was glad mom and dad didn’t care!) but I now understand that both kids are equally responsible (at different times, of course) for the chaos throughout the day – that’s why I truly don’t care who is initiating the little squabbles, I do however, care to make them stop.


*Don’t make me pull this car over – I was always afraid, very afraid when my dad reached this point. I could never picture being angry enough at my kids to utter this phrase. I have only said it once. And, I was definitely as angry as I remember him being. Though, I don’t think I provoke the same level of fear. As soon as the words sprung from my lips, I glanced over my shoulder, wondering who had just expelled these foreign words. Yep, it was me. Can’t imagine this will be a common phrase in my car, but I never dreamed I would say it even once.

*If you cross your eyes, they will stay like that/Sitting too close to the TV will hurt your eyes/cracking your knuckles will give you arthritis – Let’s be honest. These aren’t true. (Right??) But, having heard phrases like these as a child, I always have the small fear niggling in the back of my brain Just the other day I told my daughter she was too close to the TV – and yes, I did say it would hurt her eyes. I think sometimes we need reinforcement. It feels better to invoke the threat of danger, so your kids don’t think you are bossing them around arbitrarily. Though, I have to admit, I always thought my parents were making it up.
Quit crying or I will give you something to cry about – This was a threat that always snapped me to attention. I never knew what might happen – if I might lose my favorite toy, be forced to go to bed hours before the neighborhood kids, or be fed only vegetables for a week. I have never actually said this to the kids, but I have to admit I have thought it. Lately, I have an easy-crying 4 year old and a perpetually whining 2 year old. It has never in my mind been a physical threat, but I am aware it could be taken that way, and wouldn’t want the kids to think I would ever harm them. So – this is the one phrase that has allowed me to keep my word!

*She’s my little girl – Admittedly, the older I got, the more I bristled at this phrase. Who are you calling little? I’m almost 10, I’m a teenager, I’m off to college. But now, even though the kids are only 4 and 2, it is crystal clear that I will always view my children as my little ones, my small people, my babies. It is part protection, part territorial, part reminiscent.

*You will understand when you have kids – this always seemed so abstract. I knew I would have children some day, but the lessons didn’t seem to apply to my future. When you are a kid – you can only focus on the circumstances you are experiencing – it doesn’t register that your parents just might know what they are talking about. How will it ever make sense to me that my curfew is so early, that I can’t drink soda when everyone else can, that my parents have to know everywhere I am going and with whom, that forgetting to call home is unacceptable and that fighting with my brother really is a big deal? But it does make sense. All of it. And 25 years from now, it will make sense to my small people. Though I don’t yet say this to my kids very often, I think it all the time. And, I know, as we grow together, it will be a common utterance in my home.

And, finally, my personal favorite:

*Because I am the Mommy – I always thought, "I know! Big deal!" I figured, much like, ‘because I said so.’ that it was a cop-out of sorts. But now I know. Being the Mommy is a big deal – it is huge, gigantic, enormous and powerful. We carry children around for 9 months in our stomachs. We re-arrange our internal organs for their well-being. We labor, sometimes for hours. We bring these beautiful little people into the world – we give them their life. And then we give them ours. I think that deserves some respect – if not a pedestal and tiara.

Because we are the Mommys, that’s why.

It is amazing to me that most kids never wanted to turn into their parents. And now, understanding their challenges and sacrifices, I know I will be lucky to be half the Mother mine was. (and is!)

Over My Shoulder: Memories Of My Home Education

Today's guest post comes from Breezy, an 18-year old near-homeschool graduate from Indiana who enjoys drawing, painting and illustrating, music, studying History, writing and reading, and looks forward to someday sharing the joy of catching tadpoles with her children. You can visit her blog "A Bowl of Moss and Pebbles" here. She also has an etsy shop where you find her lovely artwork.

With my homeschool graduation fast approaching, Mom has been making a scrapbook of my life thus far. Returning to memory via hundreds of pictures, we can't help but reminisce over the many events, and not-so-eventful days, what God has taught us, and where we're still headed. So poignant and real they've become, I'll try to give you a glimpse.

If I could paint a picture of all the memories, you would see a conglomeration of romps through tall grass and woods, and determination while creating backyard forts and hand-sewn dolls. There's a furrowed brow over sharps and flats, and soiled but maturing hands reaching to caress the pets of all kinds. The combining of baking soda and peroxide sparked my interest in the mysteries of nature, and I was enthralled with the world of calligraphy.

Good books were constantly read aloud to me and my sister. We heard of brave maidens and pioneer women throughout history, and I longed to one day join the ranks of trial and victory. While listening and dreaming, I drew plans for underground tunnels to save refugees, lists of provisions for the Oregon trail, and careful drawings of the white gown I would wear the day I would begin a new journey with my knight in shining armor. I also remember family devotions around the Bible when Dad would read to us adventures and truth and reveal its Wisdom.

The canvas is deep and textured. But were these "activities" necessary? Was that really an equivalent education to the public schools? I did have book work, read plenty on my own, and yes, there were tests I took (and still have to take). But I have learned that education isn't how much you can cram into your brain before a test. It is knowing how to learn and loving that knowledge that is the truly valuable education.

Looking back over my shoulder, I see an abundantly blessed life and I am thankful beyond words for the life God called my family to live. I don't draw secret gondolas for escaping down the Venice Canal anymore, but I have been trained to think "multigenerationally" for my children's sakes. Will I be ready to safely guide them to scripture as my parents have with me? By the grace of God, yes, and on the memorable foundation laid by my Daddy and Momma.