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Thursday, June 11, 2009

Whining & Complaining - Sinning With Your Mouth (Correcting A Whining Kiddo)

"Do everything without complaining or arguing." Philippians 2:14

Christin over at Journey to a Gracious woman is tackling the subject of whining today, but I thought I'd add one little tip to nip whining/grumbling in the bud. This tip is courtesy of my friend Soleil (mommy of this praying little sweetie).

How To Handle Whining/Grumbling

When your kiddo starts to whine or complain about something, take away their "freedom" to speak.

Kiddo: "I don't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant too...(fill in blank)"

Mommy: "Let's try, okay? It's important to do everything without arguing or complaining, that's what Jesus says."

Kiddo: "Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh.....noooooooooo......I don't waaaaaaaaaaant toooo....)

Mommy: "Okay sweetie, you've lost your freedom to speak because you are sinning with your mouth. You may speak again when you are ready to try and be positive." (For a younger child, give a time limit)

Now, when you first introduce this method, it's important to give a learning curve. Explain to them what will happen from now on when we whine or complain. Once they understand the concept, you will need to discipline for disobedience if they speak after you tell them they've lost their freedom to speak. It's important to note, you are not giving them a consequence for the attitude, but for the disobedience. You deal with a sour attitude in a different manner than direct disobedience. More on that later.

What's your best tip to nip?

Just joining us? Catch up!

Training and Discipline Techniques for your Kiddos (A.K.A Civilizing Those Darn Sin Natures!) @ Like a Warm Cup of Coffee @ Journey To A Gracious Woman

Called to Discipline @ Journey To A Gracious Woman

Burdens or Blessings? No One Likes Being Around a Disobedient Child @ Like a Warm Cup of Coffee

Child Training and Discipline Require: Commitment and Consistency @ Journey To A Gracious Woman

How Do I View My Children As Blessings in the “Everyday”? @ At the Well

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Five Moms & A Blog said...

Thanks Sara Mae for the advice. I've been struggling with a No-It-All lately and I was told by Christin to come visit you. Maybe there is hope. :o)

~ Miti

Jennifer said...

We've been tackling this with our four-year-old daughter lately. My husband heard Dr. Dobson on the radio talking about this very topic a few weeks ago. Dr. Dobson recommended letting your child know that you're not able to hear them when they whine. My husband had a chat with our daughter during a calm moment and let her know that we can't hear what she's saying when she whines. (So true when the whiny voice comes out. I can't understand what she wants half the time!!) He let her know that we can hear her very well when she uses her good manners and talks regularly.

We've been using this technique ever since, and it's worked like a dream from the very first try. When Emma whines, we simply say, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you when you whine." She IMMEDIATELY rephrases her request or complain in a polite manner. "Mommy, may I play with my Tigger for a few more minutes please?" WOW! WOW! WOW! I can't say enough about how well this has worked.

Now that we've been doing this for a while, we just have say, "I'm sorry. I can't hear you." We don't have to get upset or raise our voices. It's stated very matter-of-factly. And it's worked like a charm!

Tricia said...

Great advice! Thanks so much! My 5 year old has been very whinney and complainey lately. I'll be trying this out today for sure!

Collette@Jesuslovesmums said...

This is sound advice and I had a look at Christin's site as well. Very wise advice which I will try for my whingy 4 year old, although I think I could learn a thing or two from this!
Love Collette x

Mrs said...

In our home, whining was an automatic "no." Even if we wanted to do the request for them originally, their whining made it an automatic NO.

Our kids didn't whine. :-)

MamaHen Em said...

We do something similar - usually I'll say, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" which is their cue to rephrase a whiney request or rude request. We have also been dealing with knowing it all like someone else mentioned or the constant "re-ask" (they ask, I say no, they restate the same question, etc.) I've had to go back to reminding them that they need to honor my decision and listen to obey. That's usually enough to stop them in their tracks, but I love so much how you have explained the reason it is a sin to whine and complain and argue.

Kristi_runwatch said...

Oh, I DESPISE whining. Love this idea - linking it to my "restless evil" post on the teaching of Proverbs about the tongue. Lots of link love this week! ;)


Isabel said...

I use the "silent chair" method, since the kids are young. When they speak unkindly they sit on a chair usually the one at the computer desk, and they have to be silent for 5 mins. It helps them realise they have to be silent, and it's a little different from a time-out.
It's a good idea to use it for whining too.

Proverbs 27:19 said...

I don't have a tip, but yet a thank you for offering a better way than what I have been doing, ("Shhhhh! Don't talk to me!).

I will use your method.


A.D said...

Thank you! my daughter is almost 1 and she already whines, this was a great post!

mom-2-4 said...

Wonderful wisdom! One other thing I'd like to add if that's okay, is that we as moms should set an example on not whining/grumbling/complaining ourselves. If our kids see us doing it then they'll follow right along and copy everything we say and do.
Julianne :)

Wisdom for Today said...

Great advice Sara Mae. This is good sound advice:) We used to have a grumble box that you had to put change in when you grumbled and whined ("do everything without complaining" verse printed right on it! This would then be put in the collection when it got filled. Too bad Dad filled it up more than the kids! LOL

Blessings to all--

Anne Basso said...

I tell my children that I don't speak "whineese" and that when they can talk to me like a big boy/girl, I will be happy to answer them. Then I go back to whatever I was doing. They may try a couple more times, but they usually get the idea pretty quick.

The first couple of times I do this, I model what I want them to sound like. For example..."I'm Huuuuuungry" is answered with, "I'm sorry, I don't speak "whineese", it might be better if you said, "Mommy, may I have a snack please?""

HeathahLee said...

My son has more of a problem with back-talking than whining because he knows I absolutely do not listen when he whines. I can't WAIT to hear how to deal with the back-talking issue! I need wisdom!

Marci@OvercomingBusy said...

Good stuff! My four year old just started the whining. We sued to tell our daughter that we couldn't hear the whining and that would stop it. Not working with my 4 year old. I'll try your method tomorrow!

jaya pratheesh said...

whining is a sin? oh! what sins you dream up!

whining is a developmental stage that all children go through, (you know, because they are CHILDREN) and most grow out of.(some adult whiners, i'll say, never had anyone correct their behaviour.)Children usually do it because PARENTS dont listen to kids when they say something the first, second, or even the third time. they tend to make a voice that annoys the parent, enough so that the parenting radar turn on:"she is whining" why dont we listen to them the first time?

change that thought to "she wants to tell me something" instead of "she is sinning with her mouth"(eww).

the correct response to whining is, "my dear, tell me in the normal voice again, i was not listening the first time." NOT"you've lost your freedom to speak"(!!)

and little children whine more when they are hungry, tired or sleepy. think about their needs, listen to them.

i canot beleive so many people think this is sound wisdom!!

Mirinda said...

Well, I think it is a great post. I also believe those in Christ look at raising children differently than those who are not. We are all born full of sin with a raging sin nature that starts at birth. I'm sorry you don't understand that Jaya but it doesn't constitute a rude response to the blogger, in my opinion.

Sarah you sound like a wonderful mommy and I love reading your blog!

jaya pratheesh said...

dear mirinda,

do not assume that i am not a christian or that i do not understand what raising children in christ mean.. i was just stating that sarah mae had the wrong attitude.

do not judge people based on their name or face.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ladies-

A short 'story' that relates to this post and the most recent 'comments' section:

I have an M.A. (Master of Arts) in Marriage & Family Therapy. We took courses in childhood development. I thought it quite practical (that I was preparing my own self for marriage & motherhood, as well as for work).

My husband grew up in a Christian household reading the Bible.

Point? He (my husband) has without a doubt proven to be 'the expert' in marriage and in parenthood. (No, he is definitely not a saint in the 'angelic' sense). :)

Truly, understanding our position before God; reading HIS Word, the Bible and having a relationship with HM through prayer are the 'keys' to marriage & parenting.

- grateful for HIS grace, HveHope