We are volitional beings - we make choices. Some of the choices we make have to do with the lies we are believing. Our choices become our goals.
Here are a list of goals that we make because of our lies - see if any stand out to you:
- I must be good enough - perfectionist
- I must succeed
- I must be smart
- I must be right
- I must look good
- I must be in control
- I must be wanted
- Your turn...
We all have a style of releasing these goals. Here are some styles of releasing:
- Nice
- Outgoing
- Quiet
- Controlling
- Funny
Here is an example of how this all works:
If I believe that I am not good enough (lie) then I try and compensate (unconsciously) by having to be good enough...in fact, I have to be perfect. I find myself being controlling - it is my style of releasing. If I am "perfect" then I will be loved, otherwise, I see myself as unlovable.
Unlovable. There it is - the kicker.
All of the lies and goals, they all have to do with what we all ultimately want in this life: to be loved unconditionally.
This is why we all need to be living out of the truth.
Here's is some good advice from Cathy Bowman:
"Deal with and repent of your own "core lies" so you don't demand from and damage your child as much. To determine your "core lies," watch for things that make you angry, anxious, or depressed. The core lies are usually under there. Whatever goals we’ve created because of our core lies have to go. For me, I wanted everyone to think I was a good mom. I had to let go of what other people thought of me because it was affecting how I dealt with my girls.
Also memorize and believe Psalm 27:10 (the version I memorized, I think, was King James): "When my father and my mother fail me, the LORD will take me up." (It doesn't say "if" ). You will fail and God loves them more than you and sees all. They need their own personal relationship with the Father who will not fail."
Come back tomorrow and will tie it all up! (Have you figured out your core lie/lies and goals yet?)
Part 2 - What Is A Core Lie?
Part 3 - Determining Your Core Lies
Part 4 - What Is Behind Our Emotional Reactions?
Part 5 - Determining The Goals You've Made Because Of Your Lie
Part 6 - Living In The Truth - Letting Go of Our Lies and Goals
( I will announce the winner of the CD giveaway tomorrow!)
14 comments:
I'm lost for words! I'm discovering so many things thanks to this series.Have I been living a lie all these years?
My impossible goal is wanting everyone to like me! I freak out at the thought of hurting or displeasing anyone because I'm afraid I won't be liked anymore. And this does find it's roots in childhood. I have been aware of this people pleasing thing lately but not through this perspective.
Another one very impossible goal is being a perfect mother! Which of course I'm not. This is causing me a lot of frustration and stress because I fail at being a perfect mother , say 7 times a day??
Yes I'm thristy for more! and I'm coming back for more!!
This is a great series. I think that more than ever we need encouragement. With things amuck around us, it's important to keep our balance. We have more pressures today than even a few weeks ago.
We judge ourselves by our intentions while others judge us by our actions.
~Allie
I try to control the things that I cannot. By being unable to control these things I become afraid. I then let fear take over and due to the gift of an amazing imagination, I constantly fear the worst. Each day I prepare for the "fact" that my husband may not return home to me (due to an accident). Each night I wonder if my baby girl will wake up in the morning. Every morning I wonder if I will make it through the day. I try really hard to push past these, but I'm so tired of feeling this way.
Thank you for tackling the big "stuff". I'm praying hard!
Wow...this has been quite a journey. I can't wait to see how you wrap it up. I struggle with being good enough and being in control...which, the core being that I must be good enough.
This is so interesting!
What a great series! I know that I've been setting these impossible goals for many many years! Thanks for the encouraging words!
Wow. This series is SO good.
I have this insane idea (lie) that "good" is not good enough. "Excellent" is not good enough. Even "perfect" is not good enough. I have to be EXCEPTIONAL. Original. Unique. Outstanding.
I live in terror of waking up and discovering I am a normal, average, un-inspiring person. I'm so afraid of becoming the status-quo.
I put a lot of pressure on myself to "wow" people in everything I do. And it's so prideful and wrong. It keeps me from seeing my value as a child of God, and realizing that value is completely separate from what I do, say, and accomplish.
This is so great...thank you so much.
I'm with you...I have been fighting perfectionist mode for quite a while, simply because I wanted that "good wife/good mother" label. Well, my husband gives me that day after day...whether I'm perfect or not. So what is it I'm really after? Honestly, I'm still trying to break this down. But getting the revelation has already freed me to love more! It's freed me to be a better me and love my children better!
I know I'm on the verge of figuring it all out! I do agree with Isabel - I want everyone to like me!
The goals that stood out the most for me - to succeed, to be right (especially with hubby), and to be good enough. I know one way the success one has affected me through the years - if there is a chance I won't be really good at something, I tend to not even try. Oh so many ideas I have had, but won't try for fear of rejection or making a mistake or failure.
Thanks for this series! Need to see more of how all this ties in and I need to pray about it.
Hope you are feeling well and getting some sleep! Have a wonderful day!
Okay, I am a total blogging ignoramus because I have no idea how to copy the link/button to your "Core Lies" series to add to my blog. The more I read, the more I want others to know what you're saying. There is such truth and freedom here. Can you help me?!?! :o)Thanks and congrats on Baby Caroline what a blessing!
Thanks Sarah Mae! It worked. To God be the glory and protect you and preserve and sustain you as you share the TRUTH! Love and blessings!...And thanks for your prayers!
Have you ever read John Bradshaw, Your Inner Child? Core Lies is very close in content. Words are different but the same soul searching, working and enlightenment. It seems as though all it takes is a period of a couple of decades and someone comes up with a book that closely mirrors what we've read in the past.
I am enjoying reading your blog. It's helping me to bring back to the surface parts of me that still need a lot of hard work.
This is a great, practical post. Real, tangible examples of how these core lies affect us. The mothering one - yep. Perfectionism is definitely an outcome of my core lies. Controlling. sigh...
This study is so difficult, and yet I'm so desperate for it. =) Thank you for keeping this up - for being real - for making it practical.
I think what's so interesting is that Satan doesn't need a million different core lies to destroy us. He has only very very few. Maybe a dozen or so. He doesn't need more than that because they're quite powerful--at least for as long as they remain buried in our unconscious minds. Once we identify the lies that motivate our destructive behavior, those lies seem to have less control over us.
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