How To Prepare For Marriage Without Expecting It

How do I prepare for marriage and at the same time guard my heart? As women, this is an incredibly difficult task because we were specifically created out of man for man. However, if we trust Jesus, we can trust that He has the best for us - whether that be a life of singleness or marriage. I think it is wise to prepare to be a wife, mother, and homemaker. If we stay single, these skills will serve us and others well - our families, our communities, and any domain that God grants us ministry in. Set your heart before Him, guarding it in purity, but keeping it tender in hope.

Five “Rules” For Women:

Don’t...

Assume

Expect

Initiate

Manipulate

(And if it’s from God) Don’t fight

What are some ways I can prepare to be my husband’s helper/completer?

There are so many things I wish I would have known to learn or areas I needed to grow in before I was married. It is with this hindsight that I offer to you my list of “to do’s” before you become married (remember, these will also serve you and others well as a single woman living for God):

Know Jesus Christ.

You will not be able to fully love and give yourself to a man until you have let Jesus into your heart to change it, heal it, and nurture it. Love Him above all else.

Purity.

If you have struggles with attachments to men, sexual addictions, past abortions, sexual abuse, commitment issues, etc., deal with these now. Do not let a day go by that you hold onto any brokenness or sin that needs dealt with. Submit yourself humbly to God and He will help you. Get help from others as well. Remember, Jesus heals the broken-hearted.

Deal with your “core” lies.

We all have lies we believe about ourselves and Satan wants to use them to tear us and others apart. To determine your “core lies,” watch for things that make you angry, anxious, or depressed. The core lies are usually under there. Whatever goals we’ve created because of our core lies have to go. For example, one of my core was “I am not good enough.” If I felt threatened in a situation that hit on my lie (”why did you let the kids watch T.V. today?) and I would get very angry and defensive. I had to let go of that lie because it would affect how I treated my husband. I also had to learn the truth - that Jesus loves me so much that He died for me and He is the ONLY one who has the authority to tell me who I am.

Choose now to let your future husband be who he is and that “he is enough for me."

Men struggle with feeling that they are not enough. Be a refuge and place where he can experience freedom and grace. Be his biggest fan.

Become a wise steward of your finances.

Learn how to balance a checkbook, budget (and stick to it), and save. If you have debt, work diligently now to pay it off.

Learn a few “domestic” skills...

such as sewing, canning, knitting, painting, crafting, etc. (These come in handy if you have to live frugally and when you have kiddos).

Let go of your independence.

I cannot tell you how much you holding onto your own “rights” or independence will harm your marriage. Here is an excerpt my friend Laura wrote regarding this:

"Perhaps the most significant thing you will sacrifice is the spirit of independence which is destroying women. There is no room for the independent spirit in a woman’s life: we simply cannot love a man, children, or others well if we are entangled in this popular mentality that we are the center of the universe and we should have everything our way and we should be able to accomplish everything we desire and we shouldn’t have to answer to anyone but ourselves.
If you want to be great in God’s kingdom, learn to be the servant of all.
In the world’s eyes, you will be sacrificing so much, but in God’s eyes, you will be the lifeblood of His next generation, a generation who will praise His name."

Recommended Resources:

Five Aspects of Woman Bible Study by Barbara Mouser.

Preparing To Be Homemakers, by Lindsey at Passionate Homemaking