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Monday, June 16, 2008

Confessions Of A Stumbling Wife

I am a stinky wife.

Okay, not as in smelly (at least the last time I checked), but stinky as in...I so often fail as a wife.

I'm a stumbling wife and I'm coming out with it. First of all I have to confess that I can be super self-righteous. I have such a critical spirit sometimes, and I always have "the answer" about how we as women should act as wives. I hate this about myself. I hate that I can be so judgemental, so "I've got it all together" when I soooooooo...... don't!

Here is the real me (A.K.A stumbling wifey):

Sweet Man 'O Mine: Honey, can you please clean up the toys outside when the kids are done playing with them, I don't want them to get ruined.

Me (stinky wife): Yea sure, quit bugging me about it, I'LL DO IT! (Mind you, this is my response even after he asked me politely several times and I always forget to do it).

Sweet Man 'O Mine: Honey, can you come sit with me on the couch...

Me (stinky wife): Honey, I'm on the computer...why do you want me to come over now? (In other words, "I'm too busy for you, deal with it").

Sweet Man 'O Mine: Could you please just not argue with me, can you just say, "okay?"

Me (stinky wife): Whatever (rolling eyes).

I have many more examples, but the point is, I fail all the time. I really really really want to be the "excellent" wife, but I completely stink at it! I fall way short nine times out of ten. I honestly want to submit to my husband, be kind and gentle, respond to him in love, and be a servant to him (and my family in general). If someone asked me how they should do all the above things, I would say, "you make a choice and then you do it." Grrr....

I am trying to make the "choice" everyday, but it's so darn...


How do you overcome selfishness day after day? How do you fight your flesh minute after minute? How do you become,

The Excellent Wife?


Rachel's Journal Pages said...

Hello to a fellow stumbling wife - don't feel alone - you're not.
Made me smile to read you post - since we all fall so short of the perfect wife, mum, friend, daughter, etc, etc...
Does your grumpiness bother your husband? Often things that we think that we fail at actually are not the things that our spouse would say bother them at all - and with men... well, who knows what goes through their heads most days anyway...lol.

Tiffany said...

Awwwww...I know what you mean. I struggle too. Although honestly, I can tell a difference in myself in the last year. I think it just takes time. Don't look day to day...look long-term. I'm sure you'll see areas where you've grown when you look long term. I find I'm more of a "stinky wife" when I'm overtired...too hungry...already mad at something else...You know? Try not to beat yourself up. Your intentions and heart are good....and that's what matters most. It's hard to get your spirit and flesh to be in perfect allignewnt every minute of the day.

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates said...

Well, it isn't possible to be a "perfect" wife since Jesus was the only one who was perfect. We are all sinners and struggle daily.

The Lord will help you with your (and my!!) "stinky wife" struggles. We grow in grace, which can sometimes feel slow, but if we look back we will see improvement.

Keep praying and trying and talk to your hubby about your struggles as I will with mine. You are not alone!!

Kat said...

You really are not alone. We really are all pretty stinky at times. Just keep trying!

Katy Lin :) said...

even though i'm pretty new at this whole wife gig (going on 9 months on sunday :>) i am totally with you on this one! i can honestly say that most of our fights stem from my "stinkiness" and it frustrates me to no end.

i can be just as sweet as punkin pie to the total stranger at wal-mart then turn around and sass the man i'm supposed to love more than anyone in the world!

i think that this may be part of the curse, too. i'm not sure where i heard that but it sounds vaguely familiar - have to do a little more research on that one

you're not alone girl - praying for us all :)

Kimba said...

Hey! How did you get inside my head and hear the thoughts that are rattling around in there? I'm pretty sure that my "stinky" tendancies are what causes the most strife in our home.

Thankfully the Lord is patient with me.

Katharyn said...

Recently you helped me become a better wife, with the quote from Maya Angelou: Smile for your loved ones "If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning ‘Good morning’ at total strangers." It hasn’t made me perfect by any means, but it has really helped. I have been working on being a better person to the rest of the world, so when I get home I feel like I’m owed a little time for me, while that’s true I can’t let that little time become the rest of the day. So when Paul asks me to do something, such as go along with him to pick something up (he really loves it when I come along in the car – I don’t get it, but he loves it which is all I need to know) so I started with my stinky wife comment “I just got home…” thought of that quote, and completely changed my attitude. I smiled, walked over to Paul, give him a hug and a kiss, and said “sure, I’ll come” (He was a little suspicious of such an obvious change in behavior, laughed when I told him I was just trying to give him more attention).

Find something that inspires you to be a better wife, like a quote. When you realize you’re being a stinky wife (usually after a comment or two but not before you’re done - or maybe that’s just me) think of that inspiration, and see if that doesn’t help.

Thank you for your help!