tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post1186756233179710567..comments2024-01-07T03:29:03.439-05:00Comments on Like a warm cup of coffee: How Do You Know When To Stop Having Children?Sarah Maehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15079648125245754566noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-78956738580181500492009-05-17T05:14:00.000-04:002009-05-17T05:14:00.000-04:00What a great post and I'm so comforted in knowing ...What a great post and I'm so comforted in knowing my DH and I are not the only ones that struggle with this this issue....Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10989703615863445742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-88791905247195446582009-04-24T23:28:00.000-04:002009-04-24T23:28:00.000-04:00Pray. God will answer you. Family building is diff...Pray. God will answer you. Family building is different for every family, and I believe you and your husband will make the right decision, whatever that is. God just wants us to follow Him. Being quiverfull doesn't mean having a house full of children, if that's not the right path for you. <br /><br />Adoption is a wonderful option. And it is also ordained by God. <br /><br />The one who said Love the Lord your God, and your Neighbor as yourself... well, that says it all.<br /><br />Peace.<br />MelissaMama Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11731917736362150072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-32448713922945575942009-04-12T22:18:00.000-04:002009-04-12T22:18:00.000-04:00Just wanted to share a friend's blog with you; she...Just wanted to share a friend's blog with you; she is in Ethiopia right now adopting their first child....anyway, she writes on here about her why for adoption, and it just spoke volumes to me....I'm not trying to push or anything, but it gives great insight; at least, it did for me.<BR/>http://anenglishamericanethiopianfamily.blogspot.com/2009/03/why-adopt.htmlMel at Adventures of Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07258299279417348511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-79900181504131056932009-04-12T21:56:00.000-04:002009-04-12T21:56:00.000-04:00After we had our first, I was so afraid to get pre...After we had our first, I was so afraid to get pregnant again. I'm one of those who pretty much pukes the whole pregnancy, and I get so anemic that I'm just miserable....so yes, it makes it especially difficult. So many women around me love being pregnant, but I can honestly say that I don't. After my second, the experience had been a bit better, but both my husband and I still struggle with having more. We'd like to maybe try for one more, so maybe we could have a girl, but we also have considered adoption. Personally, I think that adoption is a wonderful choice, especially for people who can't have children or even for those of us in this kind of position. What better thing than to give a child or children a home, when otherwise, they may grow up roaming from foster home to foster home, never learning what a life with Jesus could be? So, I too am torn, but the more I think about it, the more I love the idea of adoption....I guess we shall see.:)Mel at Adventures of Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07258299279417348511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-48386276167050123842009-04-11T16:19:00.000-04:002009-04-11T16:19:00.000-04:00I just hopped over here from another blog and have...I just hopped over here from another blog and have not read all the other comments, so forgive me if I'm repeating anything. I happened to notice a few things in your post that I share with you out of love--for you and for our Savior.<BR/><BR/>1) You act like the decision is yours. No decision is ours--they are God's. That said, seek His Word and pray. He will reveal to you His truth. You said you are praying; I'm certainly not denying that. But if He is putting "the voices" in your head, heed them.<BR/><BR/>2) From all appearances, you are forgetting the grace of God. Many things seem too hard for us (as you said pregnancy is for you) but "He gives more grace." We were not called to the easy road. He bore the cross for us; we should be ready and willing to do the same for Him.<BR/><BR/>3) He has reasons--for the morning sickness, the vomiting, everything. They humble us and turn us to Him--and Jesus Christ is all we need. There are more reasons, but just remember that nothing He sends us is in vain. All has a purpose.<BR/><BR/>By God's grace, with much love and prayers,<BR/>A sister in ChristTiffanynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-91929589207516364642009-04-09T22:34:00.000-04:002009-04-09T22:34:00.000-04:00You have had so many interesting comments, I thoug...You have had so many interesting comments, I thought I should tell you the story of my family. My husband and I were intimate before marriage and I became pregnant with our oldest daughter who is almost 25 years old. We went on to have another daughter 4 years later followed by a son 4 years later and another son, again 4 years later. Then we decided to let God determine our family size and added another daughter 3 years later. Then we suffered through 3 miscarriages within 19 months. We decided to hold off trying to concieve for a little while to give my body a rest. Five years after our youngest daughter we had another boy...I was then 40 years old. By that time I wasn't sure if we should have more....On good days I would be all for it, but as with most homeschooling moms...we have our share of bad days and I couldn't imagine how on earth we could handle another child. Just after Christmas 2007 I came to the conclusion the WE were definitely finished having children. Our oldest had been married for a couple of years and we had our first grandchild that year. I even gave away my maternity clothes...Well, you know what happens when you give away your maternity clothes. That's right! At the ripe old age of 44, I gave birth to my seventh child, another bouncing baby boy weighing 9 pounds 11 ounces....a bit SMALLER than his older brother. WHAT A BLESSING HE HAS BEEN TO US!! I cannot imagine not having this precious little man and am wondering if we are even "finished" now! BTW, my oldest daughter just had her second baby boy 3 weeks ago, so her brother and son were born just 5 months apart! Even with our shaky start, my husband has been in the ministry for almost all of our married life. We meet older women frequently and have been so encouraged by them to continue having children. Never has even one said to us that they wished they had NOT had 2,3,4,5, or whatever number of children they had. It is always, "Oh, I wish I had had more children!" They seem to have many regrets. This is one area that I want to not have regrets about! My advice is to not do anything permantly. You are still very young and you never know how the Lord will lead and guide you as you get older.<BR/><BR/>Anita at busyhandsbusyminds.blogspto.comAnitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18443223419294735273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-88014119059033152682009-04-09T22:28:00.000-04:002009-04-09T22:28:00.000-04:00I struggle with this also. We adopted our precious...I struggle with this also. We adopted our precious daughter from China 3 years ago. She was our "Plan A"...we never tried to get pregnant...didn't have any desire really. We adopted Hannah and were content. Then of course the wondering comes in...should we go back again, does she need a sister, are we suppose to have more and then I got pregnant. It seems like EVERYONE said "Finally, I knew that would happen, blah blah blah" I hated hearing people act as though we were finally going to have the child we always wanted..the one we didn't have that FORCED us to adopt. I had such a difficult time with this that I was really struggling with the pregnancy. I didn't want Hannah to ever feel second best or that this was the golden child...it was really awful. Well, at 3 months I lost the baby and then got to deal with guilt...wondering if I somehow made it happen with my thoughts and attitude. I promised God after it happened that I would be obedient no matter what He wanted to do. <BR/><BR/>Needless to say...we only have Hannah Joy...and I'm beginning to think that she's going to be our one and only. Honestly, I think I'm okay with that. <BR/><BR/>www.tryingtopleasehim.blogspot.comKimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14618726972331104787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-61079235569543613642009-04-09T15:50:00.000-04:002009-04-09T15:50:00.000-04:00God will let you know when you are done. He gave u...God will let you know when you are done. He gave us sound judgement and prayerful discernment for a reason. I have found NFP to be a great relief to my conscience in this area, as it has allowed me to control when I did and didn't get pregnant (currently carrying #3) very effectively, while still leaving open to God the "option" of blessing us with a surprise. What I actually find alarming now that I'm telling people I'm pregnant again is how many people are shocked and even ask rude things like "Why" and when is hubby getting a vasectomy. Seriously! If we were buying a third car people would congratulate us, but have a third child and people act like your nuts! How backward is this?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-6209378507421970762009-04-08T17:39:00.000-04:002009-04-08T17:39:00.000-04:00Thanks for sharing your struggle. We have gone ov...Thanks for sharing your struggle. We have gone over this so many times, and our "plan" (as if we had one!) is to just continue to seek God's face day after day on this issue. I think sometimes God keeps from giving you a clear answer because it keeps you coming back to him desperate for his presence, his answers, anything. We are due with our 4th baby in about a month, and have no firm plans to stop, go, whatever. We do have a firm plan to continue seeking God's will in this area of our lives and just see where that leads. <BR/>MelissaMelissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02142384367554948671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-13212474653596283212009-04-08T15:29:00.000-04:002009-04-08T15:29:00.000-04:00The greatest commands are "Love the Lord your God"...The greatest commands are "Love the Lord your God" and "Love your neighbor as yourself" - and the "law" is fulfilled in these. I love your heart that you want to love God through investing in your family and making it the best one possible. I believe that no matter what you choose, if you choose to love God first, God honors that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-15548507355612019772009-04-08T13:15:00.000-04:002009-04-08T13:15:00.000-04:00My friend - you are great at writing about the "he...My friend - you are great at writing about the "heavy" topics! I always have to chew on it for a while before I come back and write my comment "book"! :)<BR/><BR/>I know that your family will look to the Lord for wisdom in this area and that is the best thing that you can do. Pray and trust in the Lord - He will lead you and that's all you need to worry about, not what everybody else is doing.<BR/><BR/>I would say that you need to take your time before making any decisions that could be considered permanent. I tend to lean toward the trusting in the Lord for however many children He provides, but that's easy for me to say, since He has only given us one (3+ miscarriages). I do feel that He knew that I could not mentally cope with a large family, and provided in just the right way (and of course it's still possible that I could have another). I do have friends that have 8-10 children and are not the least bit fazed by the chaos around them and love what the Lord has blessed them with!<BR/><BR/>Also, if you are looking into doing any kind of medical procedure, please research all risks very carefully! I almost hate to bring it up, but my friend's husband had the procedure done and had complications. He will suffer from life-long medical problems because of it. They completely regret their decision. There are risks associated with everything you do, whether it's a procedure for a man or a woman, or more pregnancies. The Lord can help you decide what's right for your family.<BR/><BR/>You have SO many wonderful comments on this post - such a blessing! I read them all!<BR/><BR/>Many blessings to you Sarah Mae!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06958936771590770427noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-54130796443467153822009-04-08T12:33:00.000-04:002009-04-08T12:33:00.000-04:00Ha, Ha! I thought that being weeks away from havin...Ha, Ha! I thought that being weeks away from having #4 I would have a little breathing room before making any drastic measures. Imagine my suprise when my husband leaned over to me in the middle of church and told me he wanted 2 more (this from a guy that originally didn't want any!!) Permanent decisions are just too much of a commitment but we've always agreed to not discuss the issue until the baby's first birthday - you have plenty of time to decide!Jacquelynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10952038602431921394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-39928760953964442652009-04-07T23:43:00.000-04:002009-04-07T23:43:00.000-04:00We have struggled with this issue over the past 3 ...We have struggled with this issue over the past 3 or 4 years. Having been blessed with only one child and not really "preventing" more babies, I've come to the conclusion that God thinks I can only handle one! : )<BR/><BR/>Seriously, though, we've struggled with knowing when it's time. I think my body is pretty much telling me it's time, seeing as how I'm having LOTS of perimenopausal signs. Grrrr...<BR/><BR/>I had said when I was younger that my cut off time was 35. Then when I hadn't gotten pregnant at 35, it was 36, then 37...I'll turn 39 this year and think we've pretty much decided we don't want a surprise just when I think I'm heading into the big M. I just have to get up enough courage to make the appointment for Sound Man to go to the doctor.Heathahleehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03526348513736437292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-34228546501384548242009-04-07T21:59:00.000-04:002009-04-07T21:59:00.000-04:00Blog hopping from Florida, and came across your si...Blog hopping from Florida, and came across your site. In aspect of the topic, "How do you know when to stop having children" - the best advise I was ever given was that A couple should prayerfully consider having as many children as they can effectively raise & train for Christ.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-28058999531484882212009-04-07T21:45:00.000-04:002009-04-07T21:45:00.000-04:00My heart goes out to you, as I've traveled this jo...My heart goes out to you, as I've traveled this journey the past four years, and haven't come to a conclusion yet....<BR/><BR/>One basic question that seems to be a common difference in the comments - how does a Christian determine "the will of God"? Is it a mysterious force that we "feel"? Is it limited to the revealed will of God (His Word)? Is it a combination of the above? How one answers that question will determine greatly how you answer such questions as the one you've posed.<BR/><BR/>I believe the will of God is primarily revealed through His Word. He also uses circumstances, the wisdom of older/wiser people, and the working of His Spirit in our lives...but all of those things are constantly in subjection to His revealed will.<BR/><BR/>I could write a book from here, but I'll refrain ;) I'm planning a post on this topic soon, as it's been on my mind for awhile. I pray God's blessing on you - that you might know His Spirit's mind, as revealed in His Word.Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02049246349762266326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-65464661309209714452009-04-07T19:40:00.000-04:002009-04-07T19:40:00.000-04:00Thank you for the links to the Secret Keeper Girl....Thank you for the links to the Secret Keeper Girl. I have actually been looking at it!!! I think I will be buying a few things from there when we get some extra money. :)<BR/><BR/>I talked with my husband and told him I think it'd be worth getting some resources on this and he agrees. So I'll put a bug in his ear about these materials. THanks again for your input and encouragement. I appreciate it! :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-61490648609048046272009-04-07T19:39:00.000-04:002009-04-07T19:39:00.000-04:00If you've seen my blog then you know we have a ful...If you've seen my blog then you know we have a full house..lol But now that my baby is one, I find myself wanting more. We are thinking of adopting and we totally had to pray about that one. My health won't allow me to carry another so soon and there are so many children that need a good home, so we went to God for the final say so. God will never put more on you than you can bare. Two might be enough for one family while seven may not be enough for another. Only God knows your limits and He will give you an answer if you ask Him. FYI we have nine in all, yours mine and ours!Valencia Jones-Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04790185669309543873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-25446872412243248512009-04-07T18:13:00.000-04:002009-04-07T18:13:00.000-04:00Sarah Mae, Thank you for being willing to be so ho...Sarah Mae, <BR/><BR/>Thank you for being willing to be so honest and share about a sensitive issue. Its one, judging by the many comments, that has weighed heavily on many hearts. <BR/><BR/>We are in a similar boat. My husband's "consult" appt. is in a few weeks. The procedure about a month after that. Our youngest is just about 4 months. And it seems soon, but in some ways, the longer we wait the likelihood of a third child increases. That definitely would not be the end of the world by any stretch of the imagination.<BR/><BR/>I do know all of the "family planning options" available to me. But, for us, for now, the permanent route seems like the right choice. I think all too often I allow my life to be ruled by the "what ifs." What if I could use this one day (hence the junk!)? What if I change my mind? What if my children turn out horribly? What if I want to have more children?<BR/><BR/>Well, honestly, what if? I think the reality is that you deal with it when you get there. Perhaps we may regret this decision in 5 years, but for now, for today, it seems like the right one. And if that day comes when we do look back and regret it, well, I believe that God can work in that situation too.<BR/><BR/>I know that there are thousands of children out there who will never have a permanent home. And this is to place judgment on no one, but for us, we see those statistics and feel that we could do something about that. God has blessed us with the ability to create two beautiful, amazing, wonderful children, but I believe he has also given us the capacity to love those little ones that did not come from our bodies and long for a forever home. <BR/><BR/>So when we think of this "procedure" we think of those children. Those ones that we have not yet met, not yet loved, but have a burden on our heart for. No, they will not come from our physical bodies, but I believe that God will give us the ability and desire to love them just as much as if they did. <BR/><BR/>As you and your husband make this decision, I hope and pray that you can find peace in it, regardless of the choice you make. <BR/><BR/>Blessings, <BR/>HollyNepperesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02249398922722007558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-83842500682172832442009-04-07T17:23:00.000-04:002009-04-07T17:23:00.000-04:00Wow, Sarah Mae, you never cease to amaze me... I w...Wow, Sarah Mae, you never cease to amaze me... I was JUST thinking about this topic, although from a different perspective (just blogged about it, matter of fact!).<BR/><BR/>I'm a few years behind you, and wondering if it's ok to control when I START having kids... are financial concerns enough? Should I just trust that God will provide? Or is that like blindly stepping out into traffic and hoping God will keep the cars from hitting you? lol...<BR/><BR/>I don't have any answers yet. My mom told me (she had 6 kids) that she's decided that for her, the will of God is the will of her husband (in this area). Like Christin said, if you pray separately that God will align your hearts with his will, maybe God can guide you by your husband's direction.Rebornhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12422130934560539246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-14314675187832556692009-04-07T15:28:00.000-04:002009-04-07T15:28:00.000-04:00It's funny because we waited a few years to be ble...It's funny because we waited a few years to be blessed with a child. Then we were surprised when #2 showed up in my belly quite easily... <BR/><BR/>And now I live in wonder at whether or not we'll have more, where we'll keep them if we do, how on earth I'll stretch my time to accomodate, etc. We've never even considered surgery because we're willing to have a big biological family if we're so blessed. We came to that decision because we can't imagine that we'll regret having a baby. So we're just trusting God.<BR/><BR/>That said, that's US. I know that a full quiver is something that many consider God's plan. But we must remember that if God's plan were the same for every family.. well it would be an awfully boring world.<BR/><BR/>Big hugs to you while you prayerfully consider this.Tracihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15352300993699766289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-12647134570095039492009-04-07T15:13:00.000-04:002009-04-07T15:13:00.000-04:00Please don't do this!There's a 50% chance you migh...Please don't do this!<BR/>There's a 50% chance you might not have more kids. But there's also a 50% chance that you might!<BR/>And if you chose not to, then those kids would never be able to do the things God intended!<BR/>He will give you the amount of kids he wants you to have, no more, no less! PLEASE don't!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-3270781411806957472009-04-07T15:01:00.000-04:002009-04-07T15:01:00.000-04:00i'm just hoping I'll know when we're done, and rig...i'm just hoping I'll know when we're done, and right now, I know we're not...i hope you find your peace...<BR/>-kristenKristen, pajama mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02336908966908604867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-27639148858578004872009-04-07T13:01:00.000-04:002009-04-07T13:01:00.000-04:00there are many sides to EVERY issue that isn't a c...there are many sides to EVERY issue that isn't a core salvation issue (vaccinating, homeschooling, drinking, bearing children, etc...). as far as i'm concerned, you're either redeemed by the blood of the lamb or your not. everything else is striving to be more like Christ. how will your decision allow you to be more like Christ? <BR/>whatever you do, don't be anxious or worried or feel condemned for not following the crowd (whichever crowd that may be). <BR/>seek and ask for God's leading and He will direct your path. He will grant you wisdom and most importantly he will continue to love and cherish you no matter what decision you make. his name will be glorified and your life will be a testimony to His love and grace towards His children.The Peacock Pearlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03344647203957968411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-55936242369314369922009-04-07T12:38:00.000-04:002009-04-07T12:38:00.000-04:00For various medical reasons I have only two bio ch...For various medical reasons I have only two bio children. But I am blessed with a multitude of other children that I mentor in various ways. Until you're absolutely sure I would hold off on the surgery. <BR/>If I could add 2 cents more. Consider fostering a child. In my upcoming Friday post I will be talking a wee bit about my experience as a former foster child. Good parents are needed.Decor To Adorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04359245078617786198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845574752812091685.post-90706588453748043512009-04-07T12:22:00.000-04:002009-04-07T12:22:00.000-04:00After having 2 babies only 15 mo. apart and being ...After having 2 babies only 15 mo. apart and being ill enough to warrant extremely strong meds and hospital visits in both pregnancies, plus health problems after (exacerbated by the stress on my body w/2 pregnancies), we decided that my husband would have a vasectomy. Do I regret this? No. Everyone we talked to also agreed, due to my health reasons. We are open to God's leading in the future if He wants adoption for us. I believe that God knows who our children are/will be, no matter how we get them! My advice to you is that if you have any hesitations AT ALL, do not do anything permanent!!! It is not always reversible! And about the quiver full thing -- who are we as humans to say what is "full"? Only God knows when He wants a family to be "full", right? Regardless if that is 1 child or 15. I think the quiver is full because it's full with God's blessings! If we pray for His will and His leading, then He will let us know!Stacey @ The Blessed Nesthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13033930461129202765noreply@blogger.com